Old Versus Never Old: The Battle

Things That Never Get Old While You're On Vacation:

1.) Hearing your neighbors' front doors close at 7:30 while they're on their way to (hee hee) WORK and you're still snuggling in your warm bed.

2.) Spooning with Mrs. Puff

3.) That Dog Whisperer show with Ceser Millan on National Geographic.

Things That Get Old Really Quickly While You're On Vacation:

1.) Those blasted telemarketers that keep calling.

2.) Spooning with Mrs. Puff and not, say, Philip Seymour Hoffman or Luke Wilson or Heath Ledger or Jake Gyellenhaal.

3.) Dial-up Internet access.

Party up, Dudes, in Liechtenstein!

Okay, so maybe this news is three years old. Whatever. I never claimed this to be a breaking-news blog.

But an Alert Reader recently alerted me to the fact that you can -- hello! -- RENT OUT LIECHTENSTEIN. As in, rent it out. Yes. Just like you would the East Ballroom A at the local Westin. Or your local Elks Club lodge. Except, as I've stated, you'd be renting out the whole of Liechtenstein. How did I live this long without knowing this was an option available to me?

This news makes any upcoming wedding invitations seem rather anticlimactic when the knowledge is out there that the happy couple could be utilizing a wealthy European micro-country for a venue rather than...oh, say, anywhere else.

I'd be interested to know if this is actually still possible to do three years later and what types of corporations/gabillionaires have done this. Is there an event coordinator that puts these events together and if so, how many post-it notes does THAT person have to deal with?

Take a Wild Guess

It's Saturday afternoon/evening. The entire day has been gloriously sunny. I'm not sure it's warm out there, but it's sure pretty. What has Beth been doing all weekend so far? Here are your choices:

a.) Went for a early morning run, where I later met up with my co-ed intermural soccer league teammates for some training before the big game.
b.) Headed up to the mountains for some camping and a chance to break in my new boots from REI.
c.) Stayed home, drinking an entire pot of coffee while listening the Magnetic Fields and reading In Cold Blood. Napped intermittently and finally got around to Swiffering the floors.

Stumped? Give up? Whoo. That was fun. I'm still snorting and giggling over the idea of my wearing anything from REI. Let alone the idea of my running in public.

Stephen Merritt beckons me again.....

My Boyfriend Mark Bittman

I heart Mark Bittman, I really do.

I first became attracted to him when I picked up his amazing "How To Cook Everything." Because it really does, honestly, tell you how to cook everything. I mean, seriously, where do you go from there? After you've cooked everything?

I'll tell you where. You go around the damned world and cook everything, everywhere. Because you're Mark Bittman and you kick some major culinary booty.

And as one whose apartment now smells (okay, reeks is probably the better word) of ginger and tumeric and chilis, I have made a giant batch of Saag Paneer and am feeling pretty durned fancy and chef-like.

If a note goes around your classroom and asks you if you heart Mark Bittman, you'd be wise to check the box marked "YES."

Seriously, folks, no squealing

Um. Wow. It would be downright irresponsible of me if I did not share the following Websites with the World At Large as they never fail -- no, not even once -- to make me giddy even on my most angst-ridden of days.

Enter the world of CuteOverload.com, where you will be mercilessly subjected to baby bunnies, hamsters, kittens and even a newborn kiwi bird.

Need more cuteness? Think you can handle the cuteness? Get your daily panda fix at (appropriately enough) Panda Fix.com.

Just TRY and be in a bad mood after visiting these sites. I dare you. Double-dog-dare-you with a baby panda on top.

Beth's Incredibly Low Key Vacation To Come

For the first time in, um, ever, I’m going to be on vacation next week without a single thing planned. No trips, no planes/trains/automobiles, no major home-based projects, nada. Which I do realize is an obnoxious thing to be complaining about (but hey, I’ll do my best). Bring on a week of sleeping in, catching up on my Julia Child DVDs and reading trashy magazines.

I am a wee bit fearful that Reclusive, Asocial Beth will not take over and keep me locked inside my apartment alone for nine straight days with the Puff. I would prefer to be parked at my local hipster coffee shop with my journal catching up on my morning pages….or wandering through an art gallery…or making Saag Paneer....or tossing my beret up into the downtown skyline a la Mary Tyler Moore. My best guess is that it’ll be a combination of all of the above options.

Anybody out there got suggestions for what I could be doing in Seattle next week? Anybody got a beret they can lend me?

Warmth and Fuzziness

I’m feeling genuinely, 100 percent warm and fuzzy after going to a baby shower today for a good friend of mine. Normally – for a single militant non-parent like myself – these events are (let’s face it) not all that much fun since they always involve lots of stories about labor and (ugh) squatting and breastfeeding and things that I cannot in any way identify with. Usually I end up smiling politely and laughing at the right times (“….And I said to him, don’t tell me to push, buddy!” Ha ha ha….ugh) wondering when I can go back home to my apartment and order some Tandoori Chicken to eat during the Simpsons. But this time was different.

This time I couldn’t help but bask in the glow of my friend and her wee one. She was beautiful. And terrified. And excited. And overwhelmed. And so, so happy. And seeing her hold up a tiny pink velvety little footy pajama thing against her big belly just filled me with joy. I felt so proud and giddy and protective and happy for her and her husband and her little muffin-to-be. I just can’t wait to meet the little creature that’s going to be coming in a few weeks.

So. Huh. Yeah.

I realized about half way through the day that today is the 20th anniversary of the day that my dad moved out of our house. I’m not in meltdown phase at all (and I’m not saying that as I bravely bite my lip and hold back tears, either), it was just one of those “Oh. Yeah. Right….” moments that hit me suddenly. The 20th anniversary of anything in my life seems like a big deal. It definitely puts things in perspective. Well, in this case, sort-of perspective. I mean, it’s hard to compare my life at age 12 to now….or my parents’ lives then to how they are now…and make sense of it. I mean, whodathunk? Could I have envisioned then the way my life would be now? Did I see myself one day living in Seattle, working in high tech PR? Hell, no. I probably couldn’t have envisioned myself in high school yet, let alone 20 years down the road.

I don’t’ even remember much about that day. It wasn’t particularly dramatic for me. I got to stay home from school. My mom and I went to see “Pretty in Pink” at the mall while my dad packed up. (*Which means, as an aside, that that movie is also twenty years old, which is just too much for my little brain to comprehend today.) And so that was 20 years ago. Huh.

Sorry, not a very articulate posting here. Huh. That’s all I got, I guess.

Smelly Cat, What Are They Feeding You?

Thoreau’s little cabin in the woods has nothin’ on my eventful night. One has not fully lived until they have picked up their smelly, poopy 20-pound cat named Mrs. Puff, dropped her into the kitchen sink, and given her a bath. Until you have heard the low, guttural, Linda Blair-esque growling coming from said smelly cat, and the squirmy-ness of a furry, terrified miniature bear cub/house cat covered in Dove shampoo, it’s just not a complete life.

Reading Books With Pictures

Okay, I admit it. It’s a little unusual to be reading Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style,” especially when not in the context of late-night term paper preparation. But have you people seen this illustrated version? I mean, come on, people. This is Grade A adorability and for language/grammar geeks like me, this is like buttah.

The book itself is gorgeous and colorful and amusing (I can’t say hilarious, exactly, but that’s probably not the goal anyway) and I can just imagine how exciting it was for the illustrator Maira Kalman to see her name on the book spine right alongside E.B. White and William Strunk. Nicely done, girlfriend.

Another Open Letter

Dear World At Large,

Um, how long have you been holding out on me, World At Large? You're telling me that they have brought back Jell-O Pudding Pops and no one alerted me to this? Where was the ticker-tape parade? Where was the Food Network Marathon?

It's not often that I am known to squeal in the frozen foods section of my local grocery store, but clearly this discovery merited a giddy little shriek.

Keep me posted if other major elements of my childhood come back into the mainstream. Oh wait, they already have.

Sigh.

Yours in 80's nostalgia,
Beth

Open Letter of Thanks

Open Letter to the Previous Driver of the Flexcar Which I Recently Used On Weekend Errands

Dear Sir/Madam,

In the one-in-a-billion chance that you actually should come across my blog, I wanted to take a moment and say thank you. While bopping around town in my Flexcar today, I noticed a CD hiding above the cup holder entitled, simply, "Car Mix." I popped it in. And it was SHEER BRILLIANCE.

Was it the opening remix of The Smiths' "How Soon is Now?" that made this such a fabulous, enjoyable CD? Was it the ABBA-infused Madonna song that I cannot get enough of? Was it that feel-good Natasha Bedingford song "These Words" that had me shouting "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!" out loud while driving? It was the whole thing, my Flexcar amigo. Whether you left your mix in the car by accident, or whether you left in there to pop in the next time you needed to run some errands, this sampling of new songs and old favorites made a rather dull errand trip much more entertaining for this gal.

Come to think of it, the only way that they could make Flexcar any better is if all users, just like you did, started leaving little "gifts" behind for the next passenger to enjoy. Could be a refreshing bottle of water, a recipe for Scalloped Potatoes or a mix CD of your favorite songs. Just a thought. Thanks again for turning my temporary Honda Civic into a temporary dance hall/karaoke bar.

Yours in the spirit of Flexcar,
Beth

Reflections Upon My Kitchen Trash

This week while I was cleaning up my kitchen I accidentally dropped a coffee mug and broke it.
This bummed me out deeply.

For one, it was a damned nice mug on its own; but on a more sentimental note, it was a mug I had bought several years ago while staying up at Orcas Island on a 3-day getaway with my then-boyfriend, whom we'll just call Mr. Crazy. I picked it out at this fantastic pottery place that had its wares scattered all around a yard right along side the Sound, including inside of a raft that they had christened the "sale boat" (this dorky sense of humor appealed to me greatly). He bought a bowl there, I think. We went driving all around the island that day. We read. We listened to Van Morrison. We later argued because I burnt dinner to a charred crisp and there we were in the middle of (sort of) nowhere hungry and annoyed with each other. We made up. More Van Morrison was played.

So then, fast forwarding to five years later, I'm standing in my kitchen, looking down at the broken mug sitting in my trash, realizing it was one of the few tangible items I actually had from my time with Mr. Crazy and there it was...in the trash. Which made me very sad and sentimental about those years and that trip and that time in my life. I moped around for a while until common sense came back and Swiffered away the nostalgia and reminded me that Mr. Crazy was, well, crazy, and it was not a relationship that could have ever worked in the real world.

Still, I'll miss that mug.

Jennifah & the Baxter

I recently saw THE most adorable movie which I need to recommend to the World At Large, The Baxter. Great little indie flick by Michael Showalter of the comedy troup Stella and co-hort of Michael Ian Black, who is a snarky, slightly annoying/slightly humorous manchild. It's about a classically overly nice, well-intentioned guy (i.e., a "Baxter") and his adventures finding love.

Also featured in the film is my new favorite actress Michelle Williams of Dawson's Creek/Brokeback Mountain fame, and target of my Dawson's Creek drinking game involving taking a shot everytime Gram said "Jennifah!".

In other news, I recently found out that Michael Ian Black was the voice (and wrist) of the Pets.com sock puppet dog? Is it just me that was unaware of this, or have I been living in a cave since 1998?

Really? I mean, seriously?

Is it just coincidental that the same week that I suffer a four-pound setback in my fitness plan, we get Girl Scout cookies delivered to our office?

Are ya trying to KILL me here, people, by testing my already sensitive ability to restrain myself with Samoas?

FAQ on Girl Scout Cookies here. More questions out there than one would think about something as simple as cookies, but hey. I digress.

Back in the blogging saddle

After a spirited couple of days of chatting and researching and immersing myself into the world of peer media and blogging, I'm more motivated than ever to get back in the spirit of the blog. No more monthly postings! You hear that, world? Gear up for more frequent updates about Mrs. Puff, my impending travels and the various escapades of my relatively dull life.

I've also reopened the comments capabilities here at the World of Beth so CHIT CHAT away and let me know what you're thinking. We'll see how it goes -- thanks to one too many spam comments about hot tubs and winning lottery numbers, I got tired and discontinued them but evidently blogs are all about open dialogues and conversations and interaction and all...And here I thought you all just wanted to know what I was doing with my weekends.

Everybody Okay Here

From the crew that brought you Spitesgiving 2005, I'd like to wish my single readers a Happy "I"m-A-Okay-By-Myself-Tines Day."

Not because you're bitter. Not because you live alone with an obese cat. It's because you're A-OKAY by yourself. Yes you are. You are.

Have a good day with your A-Okay Single Selves, or with your Snuggly Wuggly Doodle Bears, whichever you prefer.

What's been up with Beth?

Evidently 2006 is not gearing up to be the year where Beth spends a great deal of time on her blog. Ah well. Here’s a quick update on my life and what adventures I’ve been up to. In the past month I’ve been:

Aging!
Another Beth-filled year on the planet. I rang it in with brie and olives and red wine and all was right with the world.

Organizing!
A while back, I found a picture of this bookstore in San Francisco that had rearranged all of its books by color and am pleased as punch to say that I have done the same with my home library. The idea started one day when I was sitting in bed reading, staring straight ahead at my bookshelves and wondering how I could make them a wee bit more visually appealing. Okay, so it’s only two bookshelves’ worth, but I’m mighty proud of my accomplishment. Pictures to come if I can figure out how to download from my digital camera.

Eating Organically!
In an attempt to eat better, I signed up for a grocery delivery service that brings fresh, local, seasonal organic produce every single week right to your doorstep. Love that! First box arrived today and I am a little thrown off by the leek hiding inside. Any good leek recipes out there? Anyone?

Armchair Traveling!
Must. Get. Out. Of. Seattle! Am thinking of Santa Fe, or someplace equally desert-y and hot where I can just bake in the sun and dry out from all of this damned rain. This place seems enticing. While I am intrigued by the idea of staying in a genuine Airstream trailer, but then am reminded that I already spend my days in a 500 square foot studio apartment, so why not get crazy and mix it up in, say, a real hotel room? Spa treatments and soaking pools…sign this girl up!

Losing things!
I lost my cell phone. Then I bought a new one to replace it. Then someone found my old cell phone on the street (of course). Then I couldn’t get in touch with them. Then they kept calling. And calling.

Drinking!
Equation for 2006 – Beth + Too Much Sofia Champagne = BAD TIMES. ‘Nuff said. But damn, that packaging is CUTE. How can one resist the power of the bendy straw?

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Cool hipster stationary and hilarious products!

Cool hipster stationary and hilarious products who?

At Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Stop. Stop right now. Just go to the site and look at the witty, snarky products you can buy that crack me up. The "How To Find True Love" poster is beyond words.

Birthday Shout Out

Once again it's time to give a special birthday shout out to my co-hort at KSIS-radio, who celebrated her 32nd birthday today. Ma-nah-ma-nuh!

Here's hoping you put on your fancy Christmas dress, slick on some Dr. Pepper lipgloss and dance around like a rockstar. Have a fabulous day, old friend.