What a wonderful city San Francisco is. Like Seattle's older, wiser and more sophisticated sister. Everyone is beautiful and wearing gigantic impractical heels with flirty little dresses. This is a city where people get dressed up to go out which is so different from Seattle, where we just pull on a fleece jacket and wool hat when it comes time for a show or evening out.

Arrived around 9 and went to a bar around the corner from our hotel and stared at people for hours on end. Strange combination of yuppie after-work crowd mixed with parental post-theatre crowd mixed with the hoochie mama crowd. We became mesmerized by a woman in a red halter top danced like there was no tomorrow. She was FABULOUS.

So its departure day at long last. My mind is blank and distracted. Can't concentrate on anything, can't get deeply involved with projects. Can't even get focused on San Francisco. Just staring blankly at my computer screen.

They had a birthday party for me at work this morning. Gave me 3 balloons and some cookies from the Starbucks across the street. I talked about my trip this weekend and then there was silence. "Well, yeah, okay. Thanks everyone, this was great." We went back to our desks after about five minutes. It was very depressing. The thought was there -- I know that's what counts and I DO appreciate the effort -- but it made me feel lethargic and sad.

Wind is blowing so hard outside it's actually rattling my windows. Think the sugar from the cookie has given me a headache. Maybe I'm just tired. Bleh.

Weather in Seattle is officially gray and bleh. Not technically raining, not officially dry, no sunlight in sight. Dense cloudcover.

I'm not letting it get me down because I leave tomorrow for San Francisco! Bring on the manicures and the handbag shopping and the food and the drinks and the good times. The key will be not buying everything in sight and having some degree of self control while down there.

Curious too to see the Diane Arbus exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Expect some strange postcards from the trip...

I'm thinking of re-becoming a vegetarian.

Every morning there's an article in my email about the nasty, nasty ingredients in cattle feed. Normally I skim over the articles about mad cow disease and don't think much of it, but these latest stories are really gorey and disturbing. That's our FOOD supply they're talking about.

Also, if I have to see that b-roll of the downer cow falling down one more time on the nightly news, I'm gonna have to kick someone's ass.

So I started doing some research yesterday about vegetarianism and first off let me say that the reliable, legit resources on this topic are few and far between. I did find a great organization called Earth Save, which was founded by John Robbins, author of Diet for a New America, the book which made me decide to become a vegetarian in the first place back in my college days. A large part of his message focuses on environmental sustainability and how a vegetarian lifestyle contributes to the world at large. The book talks a lot about the massive, massive resources that the cattle industry uses every year in terms of the water, grain, topsoil, etc. and how those resources could be better utilized -- i.e., to feed people. That to me was always the biggest factor in my becoming a vegetarian -- it wasn't so much the animal-rights factor (although that played a part), but more the overwhelming and destructive impact that the meat industry has on the planet. Plus, there's a big ick factor in what goes on in factory farms.

The Earth Save site is worth spending some time on and it definintely beats reading article after article about animal rendering and waste in cattle feed. Blech.

9 a.m. and I have to be quick. Saw a great documentary over the weekend about the band They Might Be Giants called Gigantic. Made me realize what a wonderful band they are and how much I miss listening to their stuff. Only makes it better when people like Ira Glass and Frank Black are validating your opinion.

The problem now is that ever since I woke up today I've been singing "Whistling in the Dark," and I can't get it out of my head for the life of me.

Laaaazy, lazy Saturday. Ironically, after a long post about wanting to get out more, I've nestled at home all day so far today.

Okay, so to start off, this naked hiker guy in England finally completed his trip. I remember reading about this online a while back and chuckling...he was going to walk the entire length of England totally nude in order to draw attention to nudist rights. It's actually pretty impressive -- I can't seem to so much as walk around the block fully clothed and this guy covers all of England in the buff. Go Naked Guy!

Secondly, I'm leaving for San Francisco next weekend! Yaaaahoo! A real live vacation where I don't have to bring the laptop and check email six times a day...does such a thing exist?

It's been a while since I've been there, four years. On my last visit, I split the visit up between two friends -- first a few days with the always generous Rachel and Mike Johnson in their cabin in the forest where we played football in the middle of the night and became obsessed with finding the Blair Witch (or was it to play football with the Blair Witch?) and drank wine and danced to Erasure and Ani DiFranco...Then headed into the city to see Jean and Joe and their very newly adopted tiny black kitten, where we saw a Billy Bragg show and a horrifying movie called "The Acid House" and had breakfast at this fabulous place on Haight.

Good times. Here's to more of them in The City.

Sniff. Bob Keeshan, also known as Captain Kangaroo, died. First Mister Rogers, now this? Siiiigh. We'll miss you, Captain.

In happier news, I went out last night and saw The Decemberists, who are now my all time favorite band. I was not feeling particularly well that night, but am so glad I rallied to get out and see some tunes. They even did a lovely (and very sexy) cover of "Ask" by the Smiths, which was a nice end to the night. Amusing to see all of the hipsters in their black nerd glasses singing along to it.

This morning I'm preoccupied with the realization of what a homebody I've become. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT...but still. I get truly giddy at the thought of having a weekend spread out before me with nothing at all to do...no one to see...nowhere to go but nestle inside for two solid days and read and nap and nest and talk to no one at all.

So there I was, standing in the club, sans beer because I still felt hungover if that's possible, not sure what to do with my hands (no beer to hold) and feeling very out of place and awkward and it hit me how long it had been since I went OUT. And I got conflicted with the two trains of thought -- one saying "if you want to meet new people and be a part of the world and stop bitching about being bored, you need to get out more," and the other saying "but I'm not feeling comfortable here and my feet hurt and I've been standing for four hours and I'd much rather just be home watching "The West Wing."

Have to find a happy medium, I think, and not sure how to do it. I feel like I've been a shut in for too long and my comfort bubble has gotten freaking ENORMOUS. Hmmm. Can't think too long on this or I'll get depressed and it's Friday and that will lead to...two solid days of staying inside.

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year -- welcome to the year of the green wooden monkey!

This site says that the monkey is supposed to signify determination and a winning attitude in the Chinese culture -- it also has electronic greeting cards you can send out to folks to wish them a happy new year for the year 4702.

So we're heading into Valentine's Day season -- and as much as I'd like to think of myself as a fierce, independent, "grrrrl power" type of grrrl-- it's depressing.

I'm tired of having to buy MYSELF flowers and always having to do EVERYTHING for myself. Self reliance is great and all, but its always this time of year that makes me want someone who could make me a nice cup of jasmine tea after dinner, who makes sure my car gets to Grease Monkey on time, who says "No no, you've had a hard day...let ME clean up the kitchen."

However, lest this turn maudlin, I turn instead to the Bitter Barren Spinster Club, which is a FABULOUS website celebrating all things for the bitter, single girl. Check it out and note too the bags "made with bitterness by MegaBeth." Love them.

Having now recovered from way too many dirty vodka martinis over the weekend, I bring you all the random kitten generator link!

Is there a connection between my hungover weekend and the kittens? None whatsoever, it's just a ridiculous Website. Although perhaps the kittens could have been employed to bring me Tylenol and cool washcloths...

Hangovers suck big time.

Beth returns to the blogging world! After a hectic few days in Dallas, I'm back at home and gearing up for a chill weekend. I was only in the Lone Star State for three days, so I wasn't able to see much -- which was disappointing. From my brief time there, I can tell (1) Dallas residents seem to take enormous pride in their malls and shopping centers (2) many Texas women wear lots of leather and have incredibly, unnaturally round breasts.

To learn more about what about my three days were like, let me just say that the only place in the entire hotel where I could use my cell phone is under this horse in the hotel lobby. Think of me just sitting on that little green ledge for three days shouting out "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?".

I would like to give a loud shout out to a friend of mine who turned 30 this week. You know who you are. We go back to a time when the two of us lived on a time machine (i.e., a wooden swingset in her backyard) and pretended to be married to Charles Grodin from the Muppet Movie. Yes, I really said Charles Grodin. Really. This means I have known her for over a quarter century. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL. The whole staff at KSIS radio, the Ducky Detective Agency and the Nature News wish you the best.

I went to Williams Sonoma yesterday to burn through some gift certificate money I had gotten for Christmas and found the CUTEST little pink fondue pot there. How freakin' cute is that?? I'm going to have to start incorporating melted chocolate into every meal now.

Every day is like Sunday, wrote Morrissey, every day is silent and grey -- and he's truly described today. It's a good day for getting coffee and going for a long walk outside. Or for snuggling into comfy clothes and reading all day. In either case, it seems like a day for being quiet and introspective. The weather outside is calm and overcast and chilly; my apartment hasn't warmed up at all since I woke up.

On my out way to work this morning, there was a GIGANTIC black kitty in the hallway. He must have slipped out of his apartment when the owner left for work or something. Very sweet guy and very frazzled and confused. Kept looking at me as if to say WHERE DID MY HOME GO? WHAT IS THIS STRANGE PLACE?

I've been thinking about him all morning -- hope he found his way back home and that he's all snuggly and warm. Everybody think good thoughts for the giant black kitty. We all wander outside of our comfort zone sometimes.

It's official -- I'm throwing a birthday party! For myself...on Valentine's Day. I debated doing it for a while because it seemed sort of self indulgent, but then I realized, girl, you're going to be 30. It deserves a celebration and it will be fun to get my friends together, crack open some champagne and enjoy life for a night.

I'm feeling nostalgic tonight. We hired this new guy at work about two months ago. He's 22. Very bright, but young. Or rather, he makes me feel old. And as I'm thinking of my 30th birthday, it makes me think about my life at 22 and how different it was. At 22 I had just graduated college, was temping in the finance department of a nuclear defense plant, was deeeeeply involved with Martin. I was heartbroken over Joey. I wore a lot of black tights with Doc Martens. Seattle seemed like a good a place as any to head to. I took enormous pride in carrying a dayplanner, and flicking my arm out to look at my watch like some businessman in a movie from the 80s.

It makes me giggle to think of it. Ah, youth -- God bless it. Listening to the Rushmore soundtrack and I'm blaring The Faces song, "Ooh La Lah" -- sing on everyone..."I wish that I knew what I know now...when I was younger...I wish that I knew what I know now..."

So here's my Thing To Worry About Today.

I was talking to this guy the other night, the one that takes care of Thomas while I'm away, and we were discussing how much downtown Seattle has changed/grown over the years. And we're talking about my "neighborhood" and how much they've built it up lately and he starts talking about how it'll be a shame when my apartment building isn't there anymore.

Um.

Not there anymore? What? So he starts going into property taxes and the cost of land and how pretty soon the apartment owners won't be able to afford my building given all this growth and the next thing you'll know they'll have to demolish it and build a high-rise or office park there instead.

Um.

Demolish it? My apartment building? I know we were just talking hypethetically and sure, in 20 years, who knows if my building will still be here. But now I'm freaking out thinking I need to move by next month because of the (largely imaginary) demolition crews that are lurking right outside of my building any minute now.

Weather is slushy and wet and messy and slippery. Head cold continues to improve, despite a gross cough. Wonder cat is...sleeping under my covers full time. Is he cold? Insecure? That's the report for Wednesday.

And the snow continues! They are predicting 6 inches of snow for the Seattle metro area today, which will amount to absolute chaos. Cars and people are slipping and sliding everywhere. Streets are being closed. So glad that I live close enough to work where I can just walk to a bus tunnel and then be done with my commute.

A few quick items:

1.) Did Britney Spears think the marriage wouldn't COUNT or something?
2.) Crikey, give Steve Irwin a break. The guy knows his crocs and I really doubt he'd let one of them eat his chubby, tender, succulant child.
3.) Read "Life of Pi" over the weekend. Couldn't put it down. Fabulous. Has anyone read it? I'm looking to discuss.

The snow rages on! Stormwatch 2004 continues as Seattle is blanketed with up to 2 inches of snow. To prove that I have become an official Seattleite, I was on my way to run some errands, glanced out the window before grabbing my coat and actually had a moment of PANIC when I saw the white flakes falling on my courtyard. Should I postpone? Wait it out? What if it got worse? If I braved the roads, would I get into an accident? Which route could I take that would involve no bridges, sidestreets or highways? AHHHHH!

In the end, I decided to walk to my errand, which made me feel very clever. TAKE THAT, SNOWSTORM! Then, in my giddiness, I promptly slipped on a puddle of slush in front of Pacific Place and fell on my ass in front of a homeless guy. Siiiiigh. Back inside now where its warm and dry. Think I'm going to find the orange cat and crawl into bed until I have to go back out again to meet up with my old Metapathian friend Tess.

There is nothing but CRAP on TV today. My friend Jenny was kind enough to tape Angels in America (side note: I was typing too fast and typed "Angles In America," which would be a really lame geometry special....and hopefully not something I'd have to sit through on a winter's day)...so perhaps I'll watch that.

Scatterbrained today. I blame the weather.

A new year, a new beginning.

I'm going with the "clean slate" approach for the new year, which intellectually I know is impossible, but emotionally, I find comforting and exciting. Why not toss aside the regrets, the mistakes and the "should haves" of the year before and focus on what can still be...and then begin again? I read an issue of O (yes, the Oprah magazine, it's NOT BAD) a few months ago that focused on the idea of "excellence" and being the best that you can be. I like that idea as we enter into a new year.

Before I forget, I need to point out that RANDOM GIFTS RULE!! Totally unexpected packages that show up on your doorstep from good friends are truly one of the most awesome things in the world. They just make you feel all warm and fuzzy and watched over. You know who you are and what you sent. THANK YOU!! I will do my best to complete your mission within the next year.

It's snowy here, at least it was yesterday. Amazing was a few inches of snow does to this city. I mock the drivers here and the choas that ensues when it snows, but at the same time, I'm more than happy to brew up some tea and snuggle inside all day long. If I don't need to be out in the cold, I won't force the issue.

Still sick, but feeling massively better. Able to breathe! Breathing is GOOD. Voice still sounds like gravel. I went to bed at 10:30 last night and slept for 13 hours. That's either a good thing (I needed rest) or a scary thing (I have mono?). Had to miss some New Year's activities, but it was for the best. I'm bummed, but feeling better, so that makes it all balance out.

On a final note, it was great to hear that many of you (at least THREE PEOPLE!) are regularly reading and enjoying the blog. I'm really having a good time doing it and look forward as we all pursue a NON BEIGE YEAR in 2004.