Classic Beth Moment.

In which our hero decides to rearrange her furniture in order to create the Ultimate Living Space only to find half way through the ordeal that there's literally only one way that furniture can be arranged in that room, which is, the original way that things were when the adventure began.

Siiiigh. Oh, and I joined the lemmings and finally read The Da Vinci Code. Its kind of alarming to hear how seriously people are taking this book. Do a Google search on it and find out for yourselves. It's fiction, people, get a grip.

Not sure where this came from, but I spent much of today watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek, a show I never really cared much about previously. I know this severely affects what minimal street cred I had up to these point. I'm not ashamed.

Maybe I'm feeling nostalgic for my teen years spent off Cape Cod when I was a scrappy blue collar waitress in love with my childhood best friend soul mate who viewed me more as a sister than an actual woman? Or can a girl just watch too many really bad infomercials before she snaps and rents bad WB dramas?

Television Without Pity, a great site on its own, has perhaps the best commentaries about the show here.

I'm in love. I'm smitten. I'm giddy. Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Miranda fell in love with Tivo? Well I have fallen in love with Flexcar. I have a huge massive sticky crush on Flexcar. How did I live before this? Everything seems...better...now that I've met Flexcar. I get butterflies in my tummy when I think about our next encounter.

Flexcar, you've taken me to places I never thought I'd go again. Like Trader Joe's. You've given me convenience, safety, ease of use and airbags, all things I lacked previously. Oh Flexcar, you're so dreeeeeamy....

The downtown Sephora opens today. I could not be happier. Endless shelves of potions and balms and scrubs and creams, right here in my little neighborhood for me to poke around with. Loveitloveitloveit!

Ah, the official end of an era. Cleaned out my car, bid adieu to the Honda of Joy and thanked Chad The Service Guy for all of his help. My voice shook as I talked and I knew I had to get out of there fast.

As I walked back home, in the pouring rain, carrying two garbage bags that consisted of everything in my car, I found myself crying and whimpering like a school girl. What a sight I must have been. I missed my car. It hit me once and for all that...it really is OVER.

Sniff.

I am all shades of whiny and sulky and pouty single womanhood, so consider yourselves warned.

It just...really really really SUCKS sometimes to have an off the record crappy-ass day at work and then take the foul-smelling bus home alone only to come home to an (empty) apartment that smells like garbage because you forgot to take it out that morning and then have to cook your tired and cranky self dinner for one...only to then take about 40 pounds of dirty laundry down to the basement to find that someone ELSE has hogged the two washers/driers for the entire night, thereby eliminating your chance of doing laundry.

JEEZ. Is it so much to ask for a housekeeper/chef/errand runner/masseuse/soulmate? Really, people?

Two hour season finale of The Swan tonight.

Yes, it's offensive. And ridiculous. And demeaning. And insulting. Yes, the women often end up looking like busty drag queens with too much hair and make-up.

Will I be watching? YOU BET.

Ah, the world of those without a car. Such insight into their worlds! Here a few valuable lessons learned over the weekend:

1.) Don't buy more than you can comfortably carry around for a mile, if not more.
2.) A box of Tide, coupled with a Sunday New York Times, is an example of what NOT to lug around for more than an hour while you do your errands.
3.) Cute shoes are great if you have a car, but slightly ridiculous if you're hoofing it carrying four bags of groceries plus a box of Tide and a Sunday New York Times.

A sherpa in Nepal today climbed to the peak of Mount Everest in 8 hours, 10 minutes, beating the current record by more than 2 1/2 hours. Think about that. That's, like, a day at the office. A normal Friday at the office. How is it that this guy climbs MOUNT EVEREST in 8 hours and I can't seem to get through my email Inbox?

Also, take a quiz and find out how much of a hipster you are. I'm about 70 percent hipster, which sounds right to me.

That Nepalese sherpa is 100 percent hipster, by the way.

I get on LOTS of kicks. Most of the time they last for a few hours, maybe a few days, and then fade away. Very few of them actually come to fruition. Examples:

I want a treadmill! I will become a hardbody!
I want a kitten to keep Thomas company!
I want to read all of the classic novels I bluffed my way through in high school!
I want an Indian cookbook to make Tandoori Chicken every single night!
I want to be fluent in French! And Spanish!

This morning I have determined that I want to become a librarian. Seriously. I love literature. I love researching things. I'm passionate about libraries. All it would take is a master's degree and roughly, oh, a million dollars that I don't have to finance my schooling and subsequent life of living on a librarian salary.

No mocking the Kick of the Day until the 48 hour "obsessive wishful thinking" period expires. Also, parties interested in funding Beth's Kick of the Day should email me immediately before the interest passes and I become interested in herbal soapmaking or something...

Okay, I'm a big sucker incapable of reading fine print. I'm also incredibly peeved right now.

I got on a kick this afternoon to upgrade my cell phone. Everyone else has these great funky phones that all but give hot stone massages, and I still have my weird little phone whose main feature is that it's BLUE.

So I found out that Sprint has an upgrade dealio where they give existing customers $150 towards a new phone every 18 months. Hello new phone! I had my eye on this one especially. I could send not only pictures, but videos with my phone. VIDEOS, people. I was practically foaming at the mouth.

Unfortunately my experience at my local Sprint store taught me that there are some catches to the upgrade deal and it turns out that...well...long story short the upgrade deal is still pretty cool, but it's not an instant gratification/ticket to an almost free phone sort of thing.

I feel so peeeeved right now at them for getting my hopes up like that. If I had a video phone I could email you streaming video of me sitting here ranting and typing angrily. Alas, it may be a while...

Time to play Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down:

Thumbs Up!
It's SIFF season once again and with it come the hoardes of bleary-eyed moviegoers weak from their popcorn binges and subtitle reading. Looks like lots of good stuff this year, now I just need to sit down with my matrix o' movies and decide when and where to go.

Thumbs Down!
You know what sucks? When you get those mid-afternoon munchies and you start thinking about how good a Toblerone bar would be right about now and instead all you have is -- of all things -- some leftover cucumber salad. Can I even express how NOT like a Toblerone bar that is?

So....yeah.

Spent a good portion of the day trying to find someone to take my car away, if only for parts...which made me feel productive, but on the other hand it also depressed me because several people -- and these are WRECKING YARDS, mind you -- DON'T WANT IT. I was surprised how few places were interested in my car...I felt -- I don't know -- insulted somehow.

In completely unrelated news, I found out today that the guy that played Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley is actually a scout for the Mariners. GO FIG.

In other unrelated news to THAT, the New York Times did a great spread on our new central library that's going to open next weekend. They're expecting 30,000 people to attend the opening. Of a library. Isn't that great? This is why I love this town.

Total slugdom today. Getting nothing done at all. I think I'm depressed about the car.

I did manage to watch all of season two of The Office last night, which was BRILLIANT, if only because the first episode starts out with an homage to the Muppet Show's "Ma Na Ma Na" song (you have to scroll down a bit to find the skit).

On the bright side, I spent a good portion of the afternoon reading the New York Times which I haven't done in quite a while. I forget how GOOD it is. Like a giant vitamin of information and style and culture. Did I really just say that? Sorry, I'm a little out of it today.

Car overheated again today while doing errands. Siiiiigh. Smoke coming out from what appeared to be the back end of my car. Thank God I was only about five or six blocks from my house and I was able to get it home.

I must say I'm getting all too used to being in an intersection, or driving along merrily and suddenly having my car overheat or smoke or make strange sounds. It doesn't really even panic me anymore. It's gotten to the point where I can just shrug and say "Here we go again." I know the Honda of Seattle guys by first name. Chad's been very helpful through this whole experience.

I'm sad more than anything. This is the final death toll for the car. These are truly its last days. O Little Honda of Joy -- you gave so much. It's time to say goodnight.

Must. Learn. Another. Language. Immediately.

I feel like an ignorant American this morning. A co-worker had a briefing with an analyst from Paris and conducted it entirely in French. Very suave.

I am now realizing that after six years of Spanish in high school, I can't really do more than ask Juan where the beach is. I need help. Anyone have any recommendations for language tapes/books/classes that can help me brush up?

In another shameless plug, I need to discuss Tom's of Maine toothpaste. I've been using this stuff for, oh, two tubes worth...however long that is. Didn't choose it for any specific reason other than it was there and I needed toothpaste and that was the only option at Trader Joe's.

And it was fine. Got the job done. I was pleased.

And then this morning I returned to my old standby Colgate and WHOA what a difference. It tasted...chemical and super super sweet. Where was the natural feeling? It was like brushing with sugar. Tom's makes a big deal of pointing out that it doesn't use artificial sweeteners in its toothpaste but it never hit me how...artificial my original toothpaste was...until I compared the two.

You go, Tom, with your natural unsweetened toothpaste! I am now a loyal customer that won't sway again.

All Hail the Almighty Flexcar!

Recently I've been debating whether or not to sell my car. It has huge, huge sentimental value for me...but the fact is that the Little Honda of Joy (aka, "Stan") has turned into the Little Honda of Great Displeasure in these recent years. I know its not the car's fault - it's old, it's wearing down and it's done a mighty fine job through the years, but the fact is, it's turning into quite the beater vehicle.

But, being an American who loves her car, I was resistant to sell it just because it left me stranded without a car. And Lord knows I am NOT a bus person. Enter Flexcar! With their hip little Hondas that you can use on an hourly basis to run errands and jog around town with. It seems like an ideal solution. No major decisions yet, but it's wonderfully juicy food for thought.

Book Review Time! Given my recent travels, I've had a lot of time to catch up on reading and here are a few highly recommended options:

The Solace of Open Spaces, by Gretel Erdrich. Amazing and insightful collection of short stories about Wyoming and the people who live there.

You Are Not A Stranger Here, by Adam Haslett. Whooof. These short stories pack a wallop. Heartbreaking, touching and hard to turn away from. They'll whack you upside the head and leave you begging for more.

No Touch Monkey (And Other Travel Lessons Learned Too Late), by Ayun Halliday. Funny and self depricating...I love this gal. Only downside to this book is that it bums me out that I didn't travel more when I was younger and more willing to head to exotic places without a second care.

Four days blog-free. So much to update. There were a FEW celebrity sightings at the show...but no one particularly exciting. A few people from Survivor and Ruben from American Idol. Candace Bushnell was supposed to have been at the show, but I didn't see her. I'm glad its all over.

The vacation part of wonderful and lazy and full of pooltime in the sun. Pleased to report that I did not return to Seattle with a third-degree sunburn like I did two years ago. Felt very old and out of it when we stumbled down to the pool only to find about 20 college kids on spring break in their tanned and toned and thonged glory running around with their cigarettes and daquiries. Keep it down, will ya? I'm trying to read my Marie Claire in peace and quiet -- and stop running so soon after being in the pool!

Had the obligatory Hurricane at Pat O'Briens, which was NASTY, much like 20 ounces of Hawaiian Punch concentrate with rum mixed in. Please, kids, do not try those at home. Spent some quality time at Cafe DuMonde people watching and snarfing down beignets and frozen coffee slushies. Watched an angry clown shout at people. Note to self: No one likes to be around angry clowns.

Think one of the best nights consisted of staying inside our hotel room watching the last episode of Friends and eating pizza and oreos and Bud Light. I really am a simple white trash girl at heart, I think.

Overall, I'm so so glad to be home...sitting back here looking into my courtyard listening to Ryan Adams and chilling on a slow, sunny Sunday. Always interesting to come back after a long trip and see how it changes your perspective on things. You get a new view on your routine after you've been away from it for a while. A new appreciation for some things and a new motivation to change others.

Finally -- a big fat, sloppy HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of my friends that are (gasp!) MOTHERS. Hope you have a wonderful day...you all deserve the best.

Feet hurt. Joints hurt. back hurts. Head hurts. Tired of carrying this binder everywhere throughout the convention center.

No B-level celebrity sightings to speak of, either. Grrrrrrr....

Sad moment when you realize that yes, you are indeed yuppie scum:

You are in a Kinko's-like copy center, wearing a suit and holding a binder and a cell phone, and your checker rings up your copy order and the bill comes to, say $300, and your checker announces that that's more than she makes in an entire pay period.

I walked away feeling bad and guilty and sad for both of us, really.

The show hasn't even technically begun and I woke up with stabbing back pain, which makes me feel like I'm about a hundred and fifty years old. Could barely wash my hair in the shower because my arms didn't move that high up. This can't be good. There's a train that comes, presumably, down my hotel hallway at precisely 2:40 and 5:40 in the morning. Siiigh.

Paul Allen's enormous yacht, the Octopus, is parked outside the convention center. That thing is obscene. 413 feet long, which even for a boating novice like me, seems out of control. We saw a helicopter land on it on Friday night and stood there slack jawed.

Food report: Oysters on the half shell are a girl's best friend. Oyster shooters (a shot of vodka with cocktail sauce, horseradish and a fresh oyster) are a close second. Abita beer, a local brew made by a New Orleans bottled water company, tastes exactly like...bottled water. Refreshing yes, but definitely not beer-like.

I have arrived and so far things seem to be going pretty smoothly. Have I just jinxed myself by saying that? A lovely dinner last night in the touristy Riverwalk shopping mall complete with a waiter named "Jashhhon" that had a lisp. Kicked off the morning with Beignets coated with a good inch of powdered sugar and a scaulding cafe au lait. Can't talk about New Orleans without mentioning the food in every other sentence.

Weather here seems cool and (relatively) lovely given that the last time I was in this city it was 100 degrees and sopping wet. Feet are already sore from scurrying around the show floor and it hasn't even begun yet. Didn't I say a few weeks ago that I was hoping to be perkier and more in shape to prepare for this show...? Um, what happened with that?

I forget that fresh food is an impossibility here. Everything is either deep fried or slathered in gravy or batter to prepare for deep frying. Ah well, I won't care later this week when the vacation portion of this trip kicks in. Cannot wait to be poolside with a Hurricane getting some sun...but for now it's four day of workin' feverishly. Stay tuned...