Down With Fat Suits

Is it just me, or is the rest of the free world getting a wee bit tired of “investigative reports” about skinny reporters/supermodels who don fat suits and then talk about how “horrifying” it is to be fat? In the past few months not only has Tyra Banks done a show about this, but now the Today Show and Entertainment Tonight have both put on “Special Reports” involving thin reporters strapping on fat suits and walking around Manhattan to get reactions from the general public.

Apparently – news flash – people aren’t real forgiving to the morbidly obese and it seems that men aren’t as helpful to 350-pound women as they are to supermodels. Also – again, news flash – it’s apparently harder to get around when you’re wearing a 350-pound fat suit than it is when you’re in your normal 120-pound body. This is news? This is something that required “investigating?”

Grrrrr. Add this to my list for next year's Spitesgiving.

Let Us Bow Our Heads and Give Spite...

In what I can only hope will be an annual, if not semi-annual event, Beth and her crew of cynics put on a killer Spitesgiving feast as an antidote to the goodwill-towards-men-spirit soon to be floating around this holiday season.

Instead of going around and saying what we were thankful for, we chose instead to say what we were most spiteful/bitter about. Some of the responses were lighthearted, others were more serious and they all made for a nice cathartic way to reflect on the past year and grumble collectively. Everyone should go through this process before having to slap on those polite smiles and gather with family over the holidays. The fact that you can celebrate Spitesgiving while eating turkey, dressing, mashed potaters and cranberries (motto: “the bitterest fruit EVER”) surrounded by good friends makes it all the better.

Think of it as a way to confess your regrets and disgruntlement for the year and then move on into the new year and new beginnings. Sage burning optional. What are you most spiteful for this year? What could you do to change that next year?

As an added bonus, you should check out the Jones Soda Holiday Pack and sample them during Spitesgiving. If the brussel sprout and pumpkin pie-flavored soda doesn't make you spiteful, then nothing will.

So what made my spiteful list? People with soulmates, folding fitted sheets, President Bush, the phrase “hella,” people who require size “extra small,” the combination of fruit and meat, celery, and, of course (never to be forgotten) EELS.

So Much For The Banana Stand

Sad days, my friends, sad days. And I am NOT talking about "7th Heaven..."

Comments

Um, dudes, what’s up with the spam in the comments section? I don’t want to have to get snarly and bust a cap over this.