A tongue twister for the Fall Canning Season

Peter Piper (and his preppy precocious pal Beth) purchased pounds of pickles at Pike Place to pickle a peck of. And pickle they did, my friends.

Twelve jars of pickles made this weekend – which I believe translates to approximately half a peck. If you’re dying to know exactly how much a peck weighs, check it out here.

Spitesgiving 2006

It’s that time of year again, Gentle Readers. When the air becomes crisp and leaves start falling and the holidays start galloping towards us at full speed. And you find yourself, right in the center of your heart, becoming just a little more SPITEFUL ABOUT IT ALL.

I am pleased to announce the Second Annual Spitesgiving Feast has been scheduled for November and with it a slew of traditions and festivities is now being determined. The airing of grievances! The tasting of something truly foul! The roundtable of regrets! The feasting on our own bitterness! It’s all coming down the road in just a few weeks’ time. Do you have something you’d like to suggest we do for Spitesgiving? A brilliant idea we need to partake in that could become part of our annual tradition?

Let us know and YOU (yes, YOU!) might get an invitation to Spitesgiving 2006. Or you might not. Cause, you know, it’s not really a holiday about feeling warm and fuzzy…..

What I'm Watching

I’ve noticed that my blog actively advertises to share “what I’m watching,” and true to form I have a new favorite program this Fall: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It’s smart. It’s got witty banter. It’s got what appears to be weird, dare I say slightly homoerotic tension between Chandler and Josh from the West Wing. It’s got the winding, mazelike sets with people speed walking through them conversing via the witty banter. It’s Aaron Sorkinalicious! Sorkintastic! Sorkintagious! I love his work, and have since the days gone by of Sports Night. (Don’t even get me started on Sports Night and the travesty that was done to that show or I’ll get out my can of Whup Ass...)

Anyhoo….I’m really looking forward to Studio 60 and hope it does well. As an added bonus, it looks like Amanda Peet has even trimmed her eyebrows for the job. Nice work all around, guys!

Not exactly Sex and the City

What do 3 single, sexy, intelligent, hipster ladies do when they have a sunny Saturday stretched out in front of them? Why, they head out to the country to buy farm fresh produce to make jam and pickles, that’s what!

The ladies might go to this place outside of Seattle called Remlinger Farms, in search of quaint country kitchiness and farm fresh produce. And then, because they’re already there, they might also pay a $10 admittance fee to go inside of the “Country Fair Family Fun Park” because, seriously, who can turn down a freakin’ Country Fair Family Fun Park if it’s RIGHT THERE, I mean, COME ON PEOPLE.

Except, as they slap on their hospital patient-esque wristbands, they realize they’ve entered an amusement park that is not so much tailored for single, sexy, intelligent hipster ladies, but rather for “farm girls” and “farm boys” that are, on average, three to four years old. But the ladies are already there, right? And they might as well enjoy it ‘cause they’re already driven into the country and slapped down $10 a piece for this Freaky Fantastic Family Fun Fair Park. So they continue to wind their way through the pint size petting zoo, the haphazardly assembled carnival rides, the waist-high hay maze, the “peacock enclosure” that featured a wounded, possibly paralyzed, peacock, as well as something called a “goat climb” that did NOT deliver on its promise of goats that climb, until they have reached their fill of Family Fair Fun Park Festivities.

These ladies would try not to pay attention to the fact that they’re the only Fun Park visitors without children and are, in fact, getting stared at by concerned parents who find it odd that these 3 thirtysomethingish single ladies are wandering around looking for the pony rides when they frankly should have just stayed in the city and drank bloody marys all morning like they usually do on the weekends.

Sigh. We followed all of these Funky Fun Farm Fair Family Festivities up with beer and appetizers at the Claim Jumper because we had already fallen so painfully, irreversibly far from our sexy hipster realm that we had no choice but to embrace it by eating an iceberg lettuce wedge with suburbanites wearing hummingbird sweatshirts and mom jeans.

It was, let’s just say, not one of our hipper weekends.

I hear Sliced Bread is pretty cool too

As embarrassing as this is to admit, I just discovered the joy of “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” and “Law and Order: SVU” this weekend. While the rest of the World at Large has been watching these shows for about a decade now (my own mom included), clearly I’ve been whooping it up in my cave not paying attention to them. Special snaps go out to my boyfriend TiVo for introducing us and making sure we keep all of our appointments. Seriously, TiVo, is there anything you can’t do?

I also discovered that for every hour that I spend watching CI and/or SVU that I need to spend at least 2 hours thinking of baby pandas or reading InStyle or doing something non-violent to get the grittiness out of my brain. I also find myself staring into the bathroom mirror and asking myself a barrage of intimidating questions. Is that weird?

Good Grief, Beth, where've you been??

I know this has been a burning question for many of you and Lord knows the bushel of mail from my adoring fans has proven this to be a hot topic. So, what the heck has Beth been up to?

I joined the broadband revolution! After living without cable and high-speed Internet for a month, I broke down and hooked myself up with Comcast. I'm back to my normal, drooling slugging self watching the Food Network and Family Guy, but dang if I am not enjoying this broadband thing on the Internet. Niiiiice.

I went to Denver! Having not been there since Christmas, the parental units were pleased to see me, and this trip was waaaaay overdue. Highlights included purchasing a schnazzy sexy olive green purse from Tar-jay, having my mom buy me back-to-school clothes at age 32 and ask me outloud in a store "Do you need underwear? Do you HAVE enough underwear? We're here. You should get some underwear if you need it," and devouring fondue on the Pearl Street mall in Boulder. Good stuff.

I had Special Guest Stars! After ten years of my ceaseless nagging, my junior high buddy Chrissy finally made it to Seattle, which was delightful. Highlights included GORGEOUS weather, a ferry ride to Bainbridge Island, 3 hours spent in traffic to Vancouver, and the fiercest game of "Would you Rather?" EVER.

I went to LA! For a wireless trade show. Okay, that one's not so exciting.

I cleaned up Mrs. Puff's poop!

Okay, this list is rapidly deteriorating. That's a good overview for now. Hope to be posting more regularly...