Ah well....

Sigh. Twelve days, folks - I lasted for twelve days as part of the blog-every-day-in-November project and clearly I just wasn't up to the task. I tried, I really did. Ah well...

So I'm back from the Mile High homeland where I gnawed on turkey wings, enjoyed The Olive Garden's hospitaliano, slurped wine and oysters at one kick-butt happy hour, pondered the future of social security via my dad's impromptu poll and generally sat in stunned amazement at how much Broncos fever Denverites have. I always think I'll be prepared for the Broncopaloozaness and every time I am taken aback at the ferocity of the Broncos fans. Ah well...

So it's a snow day today for most of the Seattle metro area. I'm must officially be a Seattleite now because I now find myself panicking and sweating and slobbering like a lunatic at the mere thought of snow rather than using common sense and my Colorado roots to take it all in stride. Ah well....

Time to make some tea and get back to staring at the window at the white stuff...

The Wurst is the Best!

In Check Out What I Found While I Was Surfing Yesterday-news, I present the Wurst Gallery, an online art gallery based out of Portland. I particularly enjoyed the "vintage vandals" category and if the world's not careful, I might have to head to Goodwill and remake some bad paintings myself.

Do I sense some unusual and wacky Christmas presents in the works? Hmmmmm.......(insert evil cackle here)

An "Ugly" Posting

Every now and then you find something on TV so ridiculous - so mind-boggling crazy that you find yourself hitting the TiVO rewind button over and over and over just to prove to yourself that something that patently ridiculous was actually broadcast on television.

Case in Point: Entertainment Tonight's "Investigation" that people generally respond better to pretty people than ugly people. To summarize fairly quickly, they dressed Vanessa Minnillo up as the lead character on ABC's "Ugly Betty" and made her go out and ask strangers to assist her with a survey. Turns out no one wanted to help her. Then she got all super glammed up and people were falling over themselves to help her.

This set-up gets a gigantic W-to-the-T-to-the-F from me to begin with, but as the video shows, even before Vanessa gets her fat-suitted/uglified self out the door, she starts breaking down at the terrifying prospect of actually being (gasp!) ugly in the outside world. "What do you think is the most beautiful part of yourself," someone asks from behind the camera. She replies her heart (Awwwww, good answer!) but then, upon looking at herself, she starts to cry because, in her own words, "PEOPLE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY DAY." (Oh my GAHHHH...)

Yes, Vanessa, we are truly a brave and hardy bunch, those of us who are not professional entertainment gossip show anchors. It is an emotional challenge every day for the tragically affected other 99.99 percent of non-gorgeous humanity to leave our dark caves of isolation and subject ourselves to the horrors of being a non supermodel. Oh, the horror.

But then. Siiiiigh. Vanessa gets her composure and says that "It's sad but that's what I feel is the most beautiful thing on me right now," (i.e., her heart). Yes, Vanessa, that IS sad. It would have been so much nicer to be able to say the most beautiful part of you was, say, your ribbed abs, but instead you had to reflect inward and find a part of yourself that shows who are you and what makes you unique and wonderful. That sucks, dude.

Ugly people are the worst.

More Reasons to Love the Seattle Public Library

A while back I had a light bulb moment, which would have been more impressive if the rest of the world hadn’t had the exact same moment about five years ago before me. I’ve recently been discovering the joys of getting CDs from the library. Way to expand your music collection – FOR FREE – and enjoy artists that you might not ordinarily listen to. Again, FOR FREE.

As further validation of just how cool Seattle’s downtown library is, I’ve been able to track down all sorts of good indie alterna-goodies, including The Delgados, Pedro the Lion, Whiskeytown, Aimee Mann, Damien Jurado, Tegan & Sara – hell, even the new Duran Duran and an old best-of Dolly Parton CD. Can I mention again I got these for FREE and that YOU CAN TOO?

Sure the selection is hit or miss and you’ve got to wrestle with the hard core music geek boys that linger waaaay too long in front of the shelves you want to check out, but as one that’s been hitting up used book stores for years, it’s all par for the course. Hard to complain when I’m finding CDs I would normally pay good money for, for FREE.

Seattle Public Library, if I haven’t told you lately, I heart you.

Beth's Holiday Shopping Guide 2006

Several of you have been hounding the World of Beth and asking what I’d like for Christmas. That’s cool. I like that. I’ve been doing the same thing to ya’ll right back, I guess. A helpful guide for your holiday Beth-centered shopping:

Good ideas:
Movie gift cards, especially for Landmark theaters
An unusual “something-of-the-month” club subscription
Kitchenware and home decor items from Anthropologie
Funky jewelry or home-related items from Urban Outfitters
Gift certificate for a class or workshop in any of the following topics: cooking/wine, painting, photography, yoga, creative writing
A really nice coffee mug
Houseplants
A pamphlet of your favorite recipes that you and your family enjoy often
A cool new journal from Ex Libris Anonymous
Yarn of YOUR choosing for me to make a toasty scarf for you in return

Less-than-good ideas:
Reptiles
Tapestry-covered luggage
Flavored coffees or coffee creamers
Ceramic animals and/or angels and/or patriotic-or religious-themed figurines
Fleece clothing
Antifreeze
Sweatshirts/T-shirts with kittens, wolves, hummingbirds or sports teams on them
Anything at all with a cat or kitten on it.

Fun with Food!

Loyal Readers of the World of Beth have requested more hilarious commentary about wacky foods. Apparently y'all really enjoyed the chocolate-chip-pancake-wrapped-sausage example from a while back. Sickos.

First off, I need to give props where props are due - to Not Martha, who is ALL OVER this topic. She's actually the one that tipped me off to the pancake/sausage combo and she's also the one that pointed out this ready-made Tur-Duc-Hen to me.

Oh yes. You heard me. Don't tell me you haven't ever wanted to enjoy a ready-made frozen turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken stuffed with shrimp and crayfish. On second thought, don't tell me if you ever HAVE wanted that. The idea makes me throw up just a wee bit in my mouth.

But anyhoo - fun with food! More to come.....

The Best Dollar Store EVAH. Maybe?

It's came to my attention a while back that waaaay up North in Lynnwood's Alderwood Mall there's a dollar store known as Daiso. Since I've not been to check this out in person yet, I'm curious what all is involved here.

Has anyone been yet? Is it full of the adorable Japanese trinkets and unusual foodstuffs that my creative brain is imagining? Or is it more like our American dollar stores, with their sad shower caps and chipped angel figurines?

Yuppie Foodies Unite

From the “It’s About Freakin’ Time, Folks,” files, I’m pleased to report that the new Westlake/Denny Whole Foods is opening on Wednesday! I'm fairly certain that I've been driving by the construction site for this store since early 1984, so it's nice to see they've finally gotten around to finishing it.

Bring on the paycheck-vaporizing grocery bills!

Read local paper's account of the new store here.

Commonly Asked Questions About Spitesgiving

Yesterday afternoon the World of Beth celebrated its second annual Spitesgiving Feast, and we've put together a handy FAQ list for you, gentle readers, so that you can learn more about this terrific, spiteful holiday.

What exactly is Spitesgiving?
Spitesgiving is a holiday where participants gather with friends, enjoy a roast beast, discuss all of things they regret and/or are bitter about and then gear up for the holiday season ahead of them.

Um, isn’t that sort of like Thanksgiving?
Um, no. You don’t give thanks at Spitesgiving. You give spite. And bitterness. And woe. Lots of woe.

Isn’t that a little dysfunctional and sad?
Face it, the holidays are a little dysfunctional and sad, aren’t they? So before you cram yourselves onto an oversold plane or train or automobile to travel thousands of miles to see your family, with their inappropriate, slightly racist, humor and binge drinking, who will no doubt harass you about why you haven’t gotten married/had a baby/bought a house/become more like your more successful sister or brother/gotten off smack (and so on), wouldn’t it be nice to have an outlet to prepare you for that?

When is Spitesgiving held?
It’s a flexible holiday. Spitesgiving is breezy. A good rule of thumb is a few weeks before Thanksgiving.

Sorry, but I'm still confused. If all you do is sit around and complain, how is Spitesgiving truly a special holiday? What makes it different from, say, a normal Tuesday?
Look, you're missing the point here. It's about more than just complaining and being whiney. Well, okay, maybe its not. Did I mention you get to eat roast beast? By putting formal traditions together around our collective bitterness, we've created an outlet for healing and a sense of community. Plus its an opportunity to think of really disgusting things that we can make Eric eat.

Okay, I guess I'm sold. What all is involved with Spitesgiving?
There are several traditions associated with this holiday. The day begins with the Gathering of People With Issues. Then comes the Random Shouting Out of Things We Are Spiteful About. Before the meal, then there is the Ceremonial Tasting of Something Truly Foul. Then the group toast, or the C’mon Guys Everyone Go Around And Say Two Things They Are Most Spiteful About, Seriously. Then there is the Devouring of the Roast Beast. Followed by the Burning of Sage and Beginning of the Healing Process.

What should I wear to Spitesgiving?
Ideally, you should wear a sweatshirt that features a disgruntled, angry looking turkey on it. The turkey should ideally be flipping someone the bird (no pun intended).

Get me!

Okay, well, so I didn't blog yesterday, but today I'm blogging about yesterday, and in Bizarro Beth World, that counts enough to not ruin my attempt to support November's BloMoPo....whatever. I'm feeling smug because last night while entertaining some guests I made Szechan Green Beans, Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps and Peanut Noodles. AND no one secretly spat the food into their napkins. That I could see. Get ME, bein' gourmet and social!

However, I'm feeling bummed because yesterday I stayed home from work to await the delivery of a studly new (um, used, actually) treadmill that I found on Craigslist and no one ever showed up with it. Get ME, attemptin' fitness! Get ME, havin' good intentions but not bein' able to actually execute them!

I will say that my New Balance rock star "off road" running shoes purchased this week are cushioning the blow a bit. Who cares if I will never in a gabillion years run "off road" and will more than likely only wear these shoes to the mall to buy elastic waist black pants. I will at least be able to maintain the facade of being active and sporty. Get me, livin' in my own little private fantasy world!

Stabler Versus Goren, the Debate Rages

It’s no secret that I’m a wee bit obsessed with Law and Order SVU and Law and Order CI. I’ve had multiple conversations with folks about my little problem, and without fail the discussion always turns to the red-hot debate of Who Is The Hotter Investigator – Detective Bobby Goren of CI, or Detective Elliott Stabler of SVU? As someone suggested recently, it’s like the next generation of the Ginger versus Mary Ann debate.

For this gal, hands down, it’s Detective Goren. No question. He’s all weird and socially inept and uber-tall and brilliant and insightful about totally random stuff. How could you not heart him? Yeah, I know Stabler’s all masculine and steely-jawed, but he lacks the insight and the sensitivity of Goran. Goran's like this gigantic freakshow/autistic teddy bear that you just want to snuggle up with. Plus there was that one episode where Stabler showed off his way-too-tiny speedo underwear and that just tramautized me off of him for good.

Where do YOU stand on this debate?

NaBloPoMo, like you've never NaBloPoMoed before, World at Large

It’s November and apparently the world is blogging every single day this month, in honor of NaBloPoMo, so I’m joining in. I actually enjoy this idea, and do agree that it’s a lot less intimidating that cranking out a novel in 30 days. I

f I can’t come up with something to whine about or an embarrassing story of Mrs. Puff to share with total strangers, then I just need to amp up the creativity big time. Stay tuned! See how long Beth’s commitment will actually last...