The M-Word

Greetings from Day Three of Vacation. After a brief client meeting today (siiiigh, yes I'm serious), I headed to Golden Gate Park for some outdoorsy fun in nature....by which I mean that I drove around the outdoorsy natural things, took some great pictures, and didn't really get out and walk or experience any of it first hand. This is about as outdoorsy as Beth gets, folks.

Anyhoo. First stop was the Conservatory of Flowers, which is this fantastic Victorian greenhouse straight out of a corset-busting A.S. Byatt novel. Clearly a hot spot for every retired person in San Francisco. The key here is that it's a HOT SPOT. As in, this place is a freakin' greenhouse and it was about 107 degrees in there, plus it was humid as hell. Dare I say (apologies to Robin here) it was MOIST AS HELL in there. My God, the Moisture! So much Moisture! The plants were dewy and glossy and my brow was feverish from the, ahem, Moisture, in the air. Not a particularly pleasant experience. But there was a butterfly exhibit and some toddlers were getting mighty excited about having butterflies land on them and even Beth's Bitter Heart of Stone had a good chuckle at that.

After the Moistest Experience Ever, I headed to the DeYoung museum, which was packed to the gills with hipsters and arty vacationers. Definitely need to spend more time there - I had to rush through it in order to get the Flexcar back on time.

Oh, and I saw some buffalo in the park. Random as hell. Go Buffs!

Beth Chillaxes at Home Doing Nothing: Vacation Continues!

Well folks, it only took two days of vacation for my super extra diligent vacation schedule to be shot all to hell. Yesterday was full of road trippin' adventures....today not so much. So far I've slept in until the double-digit hours of the morning, caught up on my Law and Order: Criminal Intent episodes on the TiVo (Vincent D'Onofrio, you were so young and thing back in the day!), baked blueberry muffins, made chili and finally gotten around to watching Juno. Swear to Blog that was the sweetest movie EVER.

Okay, so that's actually quite a bit of stuff. I also got to spend some time on YouTube, where I can across this little gem. I'm sure most of America has already seen it, but if you're not a regular viewer of Cute Overload.com, these boys might just make your day. The assertive snuggling has been a proven technique of mine for years.

Snuggly Otters and Sweeping Views: Beth's On Vacation!

Hiya kids and greetings from Vacationville - population ME. I finally got around to taking some time off and am trying to make the most of this week being a tourist in my own city. Yes, I've lived here almost ten months and there are still so many neighborhoods/museums/parks/areas I haven't seen. It's going to be a busy week, that's for sure.

Today started off with some coffee at this little cafe near my apartment that I've been meaning to check out for months. Hi, could it BE any cuter? Then it was a sun-filled drive down Highway 1 past Pacifica, past Half Moon Bay, past Santa Cruz...to Monterey to check out the world-famous aquarium and see if I couldn't steal one of the otters to bring back for Alice to play with.

The aquarium was absolutely amazing, as people told me it would be. It really IS worth the $24 cost of admission, and believe me I was pretty skeptical of that when I started off my tour. Of course the otters are riDONKulously adorable and joyful and snuggly and the educational demo station which teaches kids what their fur feels like just makes them all the MORE riDONKulous because they are super duper VELVETY AND SOFT. This just makes it all the more difficult not to crawl into the tanks with them and fall asleep on their little tummies. Sigh. For $24 I think I should be able to take a baby otter home with me, no?

Curiously though, my favorite creature at the aquarium was not the otters (and don't go making any jokes about the stingrays because those things continue to freak the hell out of me) but this guy pictured here - the black sea turtle. From what I can tell there was only one of them inside this giant wall of ocean fish creatures which made him see so unique and independent. He rocked the whole exhibit. You GO, giant black sea turtle guy!

Tomorrow's going to be museum focused, at least that's my intention at this point. I may end up vegging out and watching bad TV, but I'm trying to stay in the Activity Zone cause once you leave that, man, it's an uphill battle all the way.

Have things I should see over the next four days or so? Let me know....

A quick open letter to my circa 1985 peach Princess Phone

Dear Circa 1985 Peach Princess Phone,

Damn, I've missed you. I mean, look at you. Who couldn't love that? For whatever reason I was talking at work today about Generation X-era technology and you came immediately to mind. No one here seems to remember you because they are all tech savvy Millenial kids, but I DO, Peach Princess Phone. I REMEMBER. I had to scour the Internet to find you, but when I tracked you down, this picture made me grin from ear to ear.

The hours we spent whispering secrets throughout my junior high and high school years will never be forgotten. I hope you're in a better place and still smelling like the Love's Baby Soft I drowned myself in.

LYLAS,

Beth

P.S. Don't tell the Mac Plus and Atari that I've written you, I don't want to have any hurt feelings. You know how they can be.

Beth: Careless Lush or Visionary Trend Setter?

As loyal readers of the World of Beth can attest, I’m a huge fan of Drunk Shopping. I luvs me some drunk shopping. What can I say? Some people run marathons, or play with their kids/soulmates or remodel their lakefront summer homes to relax. Me? I slug back a few oversized glasses of cheap pinot noir and then hit the local Barnes and Noble for some tawdry self-help books.

Just recently someone passed me an AWESOME article in the Los Angeles Times about Drunk Shopping, which officially makes me some sort of tipsy, financially irresponsible visionary as I’ve been doing this for well over a decade before these newbies ever hit the InterWeb. Kids? Back in MY DAY we had to get drunk over cheap well drinks during Happy Hour and then WALK to an old school “brick and mortar” store and then stumble through that store precariously carrying your drunken purchases, potentially tripping and falling smack on your face in the process. Not to say that I’ve ever done that. Oh wait, yes I have. Several times, actually.*

There’s even a book on this topic – methinks I have found my next potential Drunk Purchase. God only know what could happen when Drunk Beth stumbles across the UK ChickLit section of Amazon.co.uk.

* Faceplants and near-faceplants have occurred at bookstores including: City Light Books (San Francisco), Barnes and Noble (Bellevue, Wash.), Half Price Books (Seattle), and Chapters (Vancouver).

I'm not proud of this....

...but first of all, I just learned about MTV's "The Hills" like less than a month ago and it has proven to be more addictive than a vial of crack stuffed inside of a Twinkie and sprinkled with Oxycontin and soaked in heroin (a combination I would imagine to be very, very addictive).

So here I am, just now learning who Spencer is and who Lauren is and why they talk the way they do and struggling to figure out how she makes out with someone with that weird flesh colored beard, but I digress. While the rest of the world has been watching this insanity for two seasons, I'm just now looping myself in in the middle of Season Three. I am so, like, totally behind the curve, yah?

And then - God Bless You Broadband! - I just learned tonight that MTV.com features full episodes of The Hills that you can download and watch online. The whole series to date. Right there at my fingertips.

I can feel the brain cells slipping away now. Don't say you haven't been warned if I start talking like a 19 year old socialite because it will only mean that I have been watching this show for the next 458 consecutive hours.

How is it that MTV was able to make me fall in love with it all over again a mere 20 years after Kevin and Julie had their argument about racism on the front steps of their luxury loft on the first season of The Real World? Don't make me quit you, MTV. Seriously, it's for realsies this time.

Two months later, Beth returns to the blogosphere!

Whoo. Phew. Ahem. Okay, folks, I am back! After two months of not a single post or update to the blog, I am finally turning over a new digital leaf and re-entering the blogosphere. What have y'all been up to? What have I been up to? A quick recap:

Getting a new kitten. I'm pleased to introduce Miss Alice Purrito de la Embarcadero to the world, who likes to run, jump, frolic, leap, scamper and explore every possible inch of this tiny 500 square foot apartment 24/7. Hot damn, kittens are exhausting. I am counting down the days until she becomes a mellow, lazy, cuddly lap cat like all of my other ones have been. That day will come, right? Right?

Visiting Seattle. What a invigorating trip - getting to reconnect with old friends over cupcakes, revisit all of my happy places (Half Price Books, Triple Door, the market, the Westlake Sephora...), do some shopping, drink performance art sake, and enjoy a tater tot omelette all in just three little days. Why did I wait so long to go back home? Why not do it more often? I almost cried when I could see the city from the plane on our descent into Sea-Tac. Home. At. Last. I need to do that more often.

Sprucing Up The Homestead. After some helpful suggestions from a recent houseguest, I'm pleased to say I'm starting to spruce up the apartment. This involves sending off a ton of kitchen and closet-related crap to Goodwill, paring down the book collection and incorporating some new color via throw pillows and about three bags of decorative knick-knacks from Crate and Barrel. Definitely feeling a little better about the place, even if it remains the Loudest Apartment On Earth.

Getting a California Driver's License. Nine months of living in this state and I finally buckled down and got a California license. I don't know why it took me so long. Oh wait, yes I do. This makes it real. This makes California my home. My legal place of residence. This means my Washington license isn't valid any more and that makes me deeply uncomfortable. Sigh. Trying to keep things moving forward instead of lingering in the past, but I have to say that's often easier said than done.

Shopping at Mervyns. Okay, this one I'm not proud of, it just happens to be what I did today on a whim. Everything was 50 percent off. I admit I felt my hipster cred being all but evaporated, what with shopping in the same store where my mom buys her mock-turtleneck shirts and elastic waist Mom Pants, but who I am turn down a $12 black cardigan and $10 t-shirts?

More to come, at least sooner than two months from now....