The M-Word

Greetings from Day Three of Vacation. After a brief client meeting today (siiiigh, yes I'm serious), I headed to Golden Gate Park for some outdoorsy fun in nature....by which I mean that I drove around the outdoorsy natural things, took some great pictures, and didn't really get out and walk or experience any of it first hand. This is about as outdoorsy as Beth gets, folks.

Anyhoo. First stop was the Conservatory of Flowers, which is this fantastic Victorian greenhouse straight out of a corset-busting A.S. Byatt novel. Clearly a hot spot for every retired person in San Francisco. The key here is that it's a HOT SPOT. As in, this place is a freakin' greenhouse and it was about 107 degrees in there, plus it was humid as hell. Dare I say (apologies to Robin here) it was MOIST AS HELL in there. My God, the Moisture! So much Moisture! The plants were dewy and glossy and my brow was feverish from the, ahem, Moisture, in the air. Not a particularly pleasant experience. But there was a butterfly exhibit and some toddlers were getting mighty excited about having butterflies land on them and even Beth's Bitter Heart of Stone had a good chuckle at that.

After the Moistest Experience Ever, I headed to the DeYoung museum, which was packed to the gills with hipsters and arty vacationers. Definitely need to spend more time there - I had to rush through it in order to get the Flexcar back on time.

Oh, and I saw some buffalo in the park. Random as hell. Go Buffs!

Two words. Ham Soda.

After two years of sampling their spite-inducing seasonal variety packs, it looks like the folks at Jones Soda finally got an AP story written up about them. Go, Jones Soda, Go!

Let’s hope it drives more people to gather ‘round with friends and family to sip unusual and foul-tasting sodas into Dixie cups while airing their grievances. Perhaps I could shoot for Jones Soda to be the official sponsor of Spitesgiving?

Whaddya say, Jones Soda, are you down for it?

Beth’s fake nails: Fuhgettaboutit!

And so, just as The Soprano’s ended its triumphant run on HBO, my experience with having acrylic nails has come to as close as well. RIP, Carmela-inspired talons!

Let’s face it….they weren’t really ME to begin with. I’m all for the idea of taking better care of my appearance and spending more time pampering myself…but I’m not sure if having to deal with “fills” and “sets” is worth the trouble. The removal process itself was a little alarming, in that you soak your fingertips in a clear toxic liquid that basically melts the plastic off of your nails. That. Can’t. Be. Healthy.

Also, noting that on the manicurist’s table where I was undergoing the removal/melting process, I noticed the little jar of acrylic powder which was (hopefully?) mis-labeled as “ACRYLIC POWER.” Have I just had some of my power taken away by a $10 process at my "Fancy Fingers" salon? Let’s hope I stay strong after the process….

What's in YOUR mailbox?

If you're like me, then your mail yesterday consisted of....

Credit card statement
Airline miles update
Safeway weekly sale ad
Pottery Barn catalog
AAA membership renewal form
Informational brochure about decreased sexual interest

Um, WHAT? Praytell, what box did I check that put me on this list? It's bad enough I'm no longer in the coveted 18-30 age group, but now this? Siiiiiigh. My cat lady support group is going to hear about this one.

You Just Know Me So Darned Well

I love that someone notified me today about a recently-discovered 1,000-pound giant squid by saying:

"You know I can't resist sending you stories about giant creatures of the deep."

And YOU know I can't resist reading about them. Seriously. I still can't stop looking at that thing, no matter how much it freaks me out.

Thanks, alert World of Beth reader!

Mother Nature Clearly Dropping Acid These Days

You know, like I don't have enough to worry about, Mother Nature throws me a curveball in the form of a prehistoric shark with an eel's body.

Um, if that thing doesn't freak the bejeezus out of you, then you're a brave, hearty soul. I can't even blog about this any more. BLECH.

Excuse me while I whine a bit here

Look, I'm sorry to be a whiny, pouty, irritable little baby right now, but the weather people are predicting another 12-16 inches of snow in Denver to start tomorrow, which will continue right into Saturday , which is right about the time I'm supposed to leave on a giant jet plane and return home.

Which means, if the city is shut down by another blizzard, I could either be stuck in Denver for another 1-3 days or potentially stuck at the airport, which does not make me happy AT ALL.

Which means. Just. Well. It just means I have to feel like a whiny, pouty, irritiable little baby, I guess. It hasn't even started snowing, so I'm just being prematurely panicky and whiny. I get that. I'm tired. I'm sick of frickin' dial up. I hate smelling like an ashtray and I'm starting to miss my bed and my obese cat and my stuff and my life and the thought of being stuck away from it for another 3 days just seems a little overwhelming.

Seriously, Denver, TWO blizzards in a two-week period that coincide with Christmas holiday travel? WTF, Denver? You're on my list, pal. Watch it.