I'm irked that the font on the left side of this somehow randomly became larger as you scroll down and that I can't fix it. Siiiigh.

Felt hermitlike today and so I stayed inside, sleeping, watching bad infomercials and TLC's "Rally 'Round the House." And now, here it is, almost 10 and I'm bored to death and starved for human interaction. I should have at least gone for a walk, or tried to take pictures downtown like I've been meaning to. Instead, I puttered around all day long, not really doing much of anything except watching infomercials about the Turbo Wave Express Convection Oven and that set of really sharp knives.

I wrote out my Christmas cards tonight and instead of cheering me up, the whole process just made me feel depressed and disappointed in how I treated a lot of my friends this year. I blew a lot of people off this year -- put off trips that were long overdue, didn't call like I should have, didn't send birthday cards. This seems to have been the year of "I'll get around to it..." and never doing it.

We're heading into a new year shortly and my mind is thinking of how I want things to be different. I reflect on the previous year and I'm disappointed in it -- it was a year where nothing catastrophic happened (thank God, although there were scary moments), but nothing truly wonderful happened either. It was just a very...BLAH...year and that's upsetting. It worries me to put too much stock in New Year's resolutions and the reassuring feeling that with the new year comes a clean slate. Already I'm thinking -- okay, THIS is the year where I really start saving money and transform my body and meet someone and read better books and get out of my house more often...THIS YEAR it will really and truly be different and there's already the skepical voice in the back of my head popping up that fights it and doubts it.

Why will next year be different? I'll be 30, but what difference will that make? What all would I need to do and accomplish to make this next year less...beige? The mind boggles. Saturday night and I'm wrecked with uncertainty and self doubt and good intentions. Siiiiigh.