So this is Florida. Phhhhht. Swear to God, Hank Hill is next door to me right now yakking away loudly in the hallway to Boomhauer. The accent is dead-on. Sounds like they are right outside my door. Everyone here seems to wear baggy wife beater shirts.

Also outside my room, right in the 'crik outside, there are dozens, if not hundreds of frogs -- how can I say this -- BLEATING outside of the hotel room. It sounds like sheep having very loud sex. Very loud, angry sheep sex. I was very freaked out my first night here and almost attacked my room service lady about the noise ("WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SOUND? ARE WE NEAR A POWER PLANT OR SOMETHING??").

My air conditioner makes this weird sound when it powers down that is exactly like a typewriter. I hallucinated that my laptop was typing me messages in the middle of the night. This. Cannot. Be. Good.

Welcome to Florida -- State Motto: The State Where People Come To Die.