Yesterday afternoon the World of Beth celebrated its second annual Spitesgiving Feast, and we've put together a handy FAQ list for you, gentle readers, so that you can learn more about this terrific, spiteful holiday.
What exactly is Spitesgiving?
Spitesgiving is a holiday where participants gather with friends, enjoy a roast beast, discuss all of things they regret and/or are bitter about and then gear up for the holiday season ahead of them.
Um, isn’t that sort of like Thanksgiving?
Um, no. You don’t give thanks at Spitesgiving. You give spite. And bitterness. And woe. Lots of woe.
Isn’t that a little dysfunctional and sad?
Face it, the holidays are a little dysfunctional and sad, aren’t they? So before you cram yourselves onto an oversold plane or train or automobile to travel thousands of miles to see your family, with their inappropriate, slightly racist, humor and binge drinking, who will no doubt harass you about why you haven’t gotten married/had a baby/bought a house/become more like your more successful sister or brother/gotten off smack (and so on), wouldn’t it be nice to have an outlet to prepare you for that?
When is Spitesgiving held?
It’s a flexible holiday. Spitesgiving is breezy. A good rule of thumb is a few weeks before Thanksgiving.
Sorry, but I'm still confused. If all you do is sit around and complain, how is Spitesgiving truly a special holiday? What makes it different from, say, a normal Tuesday?
Look, you're missing the point here. It's about more than just complaining and being whiney. Well, okay, maybe its not. Did I mention you get to eat roast beast? By putting formal traditions together around our collective bitterness, we've created an outlet for healing and a sense of community. Plus its an opportunity to think of really disgusting things that we can make Eric eat.
Okay, I guess I'm sold. What all is involved with Spitesgiving?
There are several traditions associated with this holiday. The day begins with the Gathering of People With Issues. Then comes the Random Shouting Out of Things We Are Spiteful About. Before the meal, then there is the Ceremonial Tasting of Something Truly Foul. Then the group toast, or the C’mon Guys Everyone Go Around And Say Two Things They Are Most Spiteful About, Seriously. Then there is the Devouring of the Roast Beast. Followed by the Burning of Sage and Beginning of the Healing Process.
What should I wear to Spitesgiving?
Ideally, you should wear a sweatshirt that features a disgruntled, angry looking turkey on it. The turkey should ideally be flipping someone the bird (no pun intended).