Saturday, September 22, 2007

Open letter to my new dentist in San Francisco

Dear New San Francisco Dentist,
Look, you seem like a nice guy. You came highly recommended from not just one, but several of my co-workers. Your office has some fantastic city views. Also, may I mention that you look an awful lot like Stanley Tucci (pictured here) and that endeared me to you almost instantly.

And yet.
I feel like we have to talk about the absolutely ridiculous sales job you did on me during my "consultation" visit where you tried to convince me to spend $4,000 on veneers and "power whitening." If I may, sir, are you on CRACK? Four GRAND? ARE YOU HIGH?
Look, I get that you probably have French Impressionist paintings to pay off and kids to put through private school and all of that, I do. But to recommend a "treatment plan" that incorporated tooth bleaching before you've so much as looked at my chompers was a pretty giant red flag. Also, the fact that your financial assistant tried to pass FOUR GRAND off as being "very affordable" was hilarious at best and a little offensive at worst.
Piece of advice, if I may, sir? Wait until after my first cleaning and after you've taken a gander at my gums and teeth before going straight into the cosmetic dentistry sales job. Prove yourself as a dentist before you enter the world of Extreme Makeovers and FOR GOD'S SAKE don't go asking people for FOUR GRAND on the first date. That's just bad manners.
Ideally I'd like to go back to you for many years to come - provided I can get the bad taste out of my mouth from our initial consultation.
Cavity Free,

1 comment:

Jen said...

Almost as bad as the orthodontist I had when I was 15 that kept trying to convince me to get a nose job. Really??!! I was 15!! I already had braces, I really didn't need that heaped on to my pile of low self esteem.
Also, just a smug 'I told you so' about filling out the new patient paperwork and putting anything in the 'things I'd like to hear more about' section.
The whole world's a market - sell, sell, sell!