Thursday, October 11, 2007

Open Letter to the movie"The Notebook"

Dear the movie "The Notebook,"

One might think that because you were only $10 at Target this weekend, that it would be okay for you to come home with me. The fact that I've become deeply crushy on Ryan Gosling lately made you all the more appealing - I mean seriously, look at him. Who wouldn't spend ten bucks on that?

And yet. Not since I went on that weird emotional Hallmark/Lifetime Movie Of The Week Tivo marathon last Christmas have I experienced such mindless, saccharin pablum. You, the movie "The Notebook," were awful. As in, You-had-me-at-hello/Bridges of Madison County cheese-coated awful.
Where to even begin here? Was it the utter lack of subtlety inherent in any Nicolas Sparks movie, or the total lack of sophistication and coherence that disappointed me most? You're telling me the best that a dark, brooding soul like Ryan Gosling can do on a first date is take his girl to Small Town Main Street and tell her how he used to lay down smack in the middle of the street at night and watch the traffic lights switch from red to green? He is supposed to be borderline retarded?
Remind me to write an open letter to James Gartner about his work in this movie and then roll it up and whap him upside the head with it. Ryan Gosling, we have to talk about this. Do you hear me, young man? Joan Allen and Sam Shepherd, don't think you're getting off easy, either.
Feeling like I could have just spend the $10 on more Method cleaning products and been a lot happier,


1 comment:

Dave said...

Believe it or not, the book is worse. Actually, you know me, I'm a big enough sap that I liked the movie (though not enough to buy it), but the book is even more lacking in subtlety. And where the movie is poignant (okay, extremely poignant), the book is just depressing.

In my defense, I only bought it because I had a train trip ahead and had just finished the last paperback I had with me. (It was at the train station in Zurich - I was lucky to find any books in English.)