Realizing it had been almost a month since last Beth blogged, she stumbled out of her stupor, brushed the sleep crusties out of her eyes and sat down to inform the world about her activities. Since you last heard from me, I’ve been:
Reuniting With Old Friends. After a 13-year gap, I had a lovely day in Seattle with my old friend David Bede. Yes, we met at a summer creative writing camp in high school. Yes, we really WERE that cool. You got a problem with that? The important thing to focus on here is that we’ve managed to keep in touch all of these years after going through the experience of writing and sharing angst-ridden, overly serious, really, really deep short stories written by our 15-year-old selves.
Meeting The Mythical Lurpy Lurperson. Okay, so I haven’t written about Lurpy just yet. Here’s the scoopage. The house behind my mom’s house in Denver has this dog that we’ve been obsessed with for years. It’s a cross between a Pooh bear and a Shar-pei. Yup. Seriously. It never barks and its snugglier than snuggly. We LOVE this dog. Thanks for a winter wind storm, my mom’s back fence caved in allowing – you guessed it – Lurpy the Wonder Dog to wander into our yard and snuggle with us. Think Diane Fossey was excited when she got to meet the mountain gorillas for the first time? She ain’t got nothing on how amped I was to meet the Lurpy dog for the first time.
Reveling in Holiday Merriment. Holidays happened. My family’s still crazy. Santa was very good to me this year. High Five, Santa!
Ringing in The Year of the Buck. We have christened 2006 “The Year of the Buck” since it’s going to “buck the trend” of crappy years that have been taking place recently. Did you hear that? 2006 is going to ROCK THE HOUSE. It’s going to be awesome. Seriously. Really. It will. We are all going to be thin and rich and fabulous and successful. Beth toasted in the New Year in Portland, while starting a new tradition of shopping tax free, eating 12 grapes and eating long noodles at midnight.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Holiday Gift Guide
If you find yourselves running low on gift ideas this holiday season and are looking for the perfect idea for that special someone, might I recommend pee and poo?
Forget visions of sugarplums dancing through your head, man.
Forget visions of sugarplums dancing through your head, man.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Taking Craftiness to a Whole New Level
Let's just say that Beth tried stamping for the first time last night and I'm not afraid to say out loud that I kind of-sort-of really, really liked it. The idea of making adorable homemade cards with cute trim and backgrounds and papers and flare seems durned fun.
Oh yes. You heard me.
Oh yes. You heard me.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Mrs. Puff Gets A Brazilian, or How Beth Spent the Holidays
Oh friends. FRIENDS! So much to report! I realize it's been for-danged-ever since last I updated the blog, so I'm trying to get caught up before the full holiday madness kicks in.
Let's start with Mrs. Puff and her Thanksgiving Of No Dignity Whatsoever. For the turkey day holiday, the kitty got boarded at the vet's for a week, which is good since she can get checked out and get her shots, etc. I tried to convince her it would be like going to a health spa.
Except. When the vet weighed the giant furball it turns out that the kitty has put on eight (8) (that's EIGHT) pounds in just the year since she was there last and that puts her total weight now at twenty-four (24) (JEEBUS) pounds total. You do realize that's like the human equivilant of gaining 50-80 pounds in a year, don't you? You do realize this made me tremendously embarrassed and ashamed of how morbidly obese my cat is, don't you?
The worst part of all of this is that being as fat as she is (really, in human terms she would need a scooter to get around, let's face it), our little Puff can't, well, um, groom herself in all of her secret places. If you know what I mean. And I hope you do. So the vet had to....well, um, well, shave Mrs. Puff's naughty bits. If you know what I mean. The whole thing just makes me blush and want to take her out for long walks so she can lose weight and get to grooming herself like a normal cat.
Let's just say the Puff has not quite forgiven me for putting her through that week-long experience and I can't really blame her for that.
And what did YOU do for the Thanksgiving holiday?
Let's start with Mrs. Puff and her Thanksgiving Of No Dignity Whatsoever. For the turkey day holiday, the kitty got boarded at the vet's for a week, which is good since she can get checked out and get her shots, etc. I tried to convince her it would be like going to a health spa.
Except. When the vet weighed the giant furball it turns out that the kitty has put on eight (8) (that's EIGHT) pounds in just the year since she was there last and that puts her total weight now at twenty-four (24) (JEEBUS) pounds total. You do realize that's like the human equivilant of gaining 50-80 pounds in a year, don't you? You do realize this made me tremendously embarrassed and ashamed of how morbidly obese my cat is, don't you?
The worst part of all of this is that being as fat as she is (really, in human terms she would need a scooter to get around, let's face it), our little Puff can't, well, um, groom herself in all of her secret places. If you know what I mean. And I hope you do. So the vet had to....well, um, well, shave Mrs. Puff's naughty bits. If you know what I mean. The whole thing just makes me blush and want to take her out for long walks so she can lose weight and get to grooming herself like a normal cat.
Let's just say the Puff has not quite forgiven me for putting her through that week-long experience and I can't really blame her for that.
And what did YOU do for the Thanksgiving holiday?
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Down With Fat Suits
Is it just me, or is the rest of the free world getting a wee bit tired of “investigative reports” about skinny reporters/supermodels who don fat suits and then talk about how “horrifying” it is to be fat? In the past few months not only has Tyra Banks done a show about this, but now the Today Show and Entertainment Tonight have both put on “Special Reports” involving thin reporters strapping on fat suits and walking around Manhattan to get reactions from the general public.
Apparently – news flash – people aren’t real forgiving to the morbidly obese and it seems that men aren’t as helpful to 350-pound women as they are to supermodels. Also – again, news flash – it’s apparently harder to get around when you’re wearing a 350-pound fat suit than it is when you’re in your normal 120-pound body. This is news? This is something that required “investigating?”
Grrrrr. Add this to my list for next year's Spitesgiving.
Apparently – news flash – people aren’t real forgiving to the morbidly obese and it seems that men aren’t as helpful to 350-pound women as they are to supermodels. Also – again, news flash – it’s apparently harder to get around when you’re wearing a 350-pound fat suit than it is when you’re in your normal 120-pound body. This is news? This is something that required “investigating?”
Grrrrr. Add this to my list for next year's Spitesgiving.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Let Us Bow Our Heads and Give Spite...
In what I can only hope will be an annual, if not semi-annual event, Beth and her crew of cynics put on a killer Spitesgiving feast as an antidote to the goodwill-towards-men-spirit soon to be floating around this holiday season.
Instead of going around and saying what we were thankful for, we chose instead to say what we were most spiteful/bitter about. Some of the responses were lighthearted, others were more serious and they all made for a nice cathartic way to reflect on the past year and grumble collectively. Everyone should go through this process before having to slap on those polite smiles and gather with family over the holidays. The fact that you can celebrate Spitesgiving while eating turkey, dressing, mashed potaters and cranberries (motto: “the bitterest fruit EVER”) surrounded by good friends makes it all the better.
Think of it as a way to confess your regrets and disgruntlement for the year and then move on into the new year and new beginnings. Sage burning optional. What are you most spiteful for this year? What could you do to change that next year?
As an added bonus, you should check out the Jones Soda Holiday Pack and sample them during Spitesgiving. If the brussel sprout and pumpkin pie-flavored soda doesn't make you spiteful, then nothing will.
So what made my spiteful list? People with soulmates, folding fitted sheets, President Bush, the phrase “hella,” people who require size “extra small,” the combination of fruit and meat, celery, and, of course (never to be forgotten) EELS.
Instead of going around and saying what we were thankful for, we chose instead to say what we were most spiteful/bitter about. Some of the responses were lighthearted, others were more serious and they all made for a nice cathartic way to reflect on the past year and grumble collectively. Everyone should go through this process before having to slap on those polite smiles and gather with family over the holidays. The fact that you can celebrate Spitesgiving while eating turkey, dressing, mashed potaters and cranberries (motto: “the bitterest fruit EVER”) surrounded by good friends makes it all the better.
Think of it as a way to confess your regrets and disgruntlement for the year and then move on into the new year and new beginnings. Sage burning optional. What are you most spiteful for this year? What could you do to change that next year?
As an added bonus, you should check out the Jones Soda Holiday Pack and sample them during Spitesgiving. If the brussel sprout and pumpkin pie-flavored soda doesn't make you spiteful, then nothing will.
So what made my spiteful list? People with soulmates, folding fitted sheets, President Bush, the phrase “hella,” people who require size “extra small,” the combination of fruit and meat, celery, and, of course (never to be forgotten) EELS.
Friday, November 11, 2005
So Much For The Banana Stand
Sad days, my friends, sad days. And I am NOT talking about "7th Heaven..."
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Comments
Um, dudes, what’s up with the spam in the comments section? I don’t want to have to get snarly and bust a cap over this.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Capote
Having just seen this brilliant film, I have to ask, is there any role where Philip Seymour Hoffman is NOT totally creepy? Could the man just do one lighthearted romantic comedy or something so that he’s not always associated with spine-chilling and heeby-jeeby-inducing freaks?
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Detox diet
Beth went on a shopping binge at Half Price Books earlier this week, which makes for one happy little camper here in Seattle. One of my finds was the Great American Detox Diet, written by the semi-famous girlfriend of documentarian Morgan Spurlock, who spent a wee too much time in McDonald’s a white ago and, well, nearly died. She’s a vegan who is also a personal chef and basically nursed Morgan back to life as he,well, nearly died and all.
It gets a shoulder shrug and an “Engh” from me in terms of a review. Apparently you should drink more water. And eat less sugar. And eat more quinoa and locally-grown organic bok choy. Unfortunately, I already know this. Well, YES, you should do all of those things. Of COURSE you should. I have no doubts that we would all feel better and healthier and more vibrant and alive if we prepared homemade meals every single day of fresh whole foods bought from a local farmer’s market.
Clearly I read with a high degree of snarkiness. Nothing particularly illuminating, except for still good suggestions that anyone with a nagging mother has already heard before.
It gets a shoulder shrug and an “Engh” from me in terms of a review. Apparently you should drink more water. And eat less sugar. And eat more quinoa and locally-grown organic bok choy. Unfortunately, I already know this. Well, YES, you should do all of those things. Of COURSE you should. I have no doubts that we would all feel better and healthier and more vibrant and alive if we prepared homemade meals every single day of fresh whole foods bought from a local farmer’s market.
Clearly I read with a high degree of snarkiness. Nothing particularly illuminating, except for still good suggestions that anyone with a nagging mother has already heard before.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Smuggy McSmuggerson
If I haven’t grabbed you by your lapels and shouted into your face lately, let me reiterate how much I freakin’ LOVE FLEXCAR. I mean, I LUUUUURRVE Flexcar. If I could date Flexcar and have its babies, I totally would, which is not something I say all that often except when I am talking about Mark Ruffalo.
Case in point: today on an errand I got to drive around town in a sporty, brand-spankin’ new Honda Civic Hybrid that had 422 miles on it. I have never in my life been in a car that new. It still had new-car smell. It was divine. For non car geeks like me, this was the equivalent of driving in a Ferrari or a BMW 20AZ-J model or whatever you car enthusiasts get all excited about. It was a car I could see myself purchasing someday.
Except, with the joy of Flexcar, I don’t have to (a) actually purchase the car (b) pay for the gas to feed the car (c) pay for the car insurance to protect the car and, best of all, (d) I get to radiate in the arrogant smugness that comes from driving an environmentally responsible hybrid car.
Neener-neener to you suckers not enjoying the thrill and convenience of Flexcar.
Case in point: today on an errand I got to drive around town in a sporty, brand-spankin’ new Honda Civic Hybrid that had 422 miles on it. I have never in my life been in a car that new. It still had new-car smell. It was divine. For non car geeks like me, this was the equivalent of driving in a Ferrari or a BMW 20AZ-J model or whatever you car enthusiasts get all excited about. It was a car I could see myself purchasing someday.
Except, with the joy of Flexcar, I don’t have to (a) actually purchase the car (b) pay for the gas to feed the car (c) pay for the car insurance to protect the car and, best of all, (d) I get to radiate in the arrogant smugness that comes from driving an environmentally responsible hybrid car.
Neener-neener to you suckers not enjoying the thrill and convenience of Flexcar.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Knitting Bitterly
I am having a vague memory that in high school – just to prove how cutting edge, rock star COOL my group of friends was –when one of us was in a pissy mood (i.e., often – it was high school, after all) we would mock that person incessantly by referring to them as a “bitter knitter.”
Yes. We were THAT COOL. What the hell did that mean? Where did that come from? I don’t know, it was a different time back in the early nineties, kids.
At any rate, to prove that my coolness has continued over the past fifteen years, I’m getting together tonight with some friends for a knitting group that will be called, you guessed it, the Bitter Knitters. The bitter knitting has indeed come full circle.
We’re open to suggestions at this point for logos, designs for satin jackets, coffee mugs, pot holders etc. to celebrate the Bitter Knitters.
Yes. We were THAT COOL. What the hell did that mean? Where did that come from? I don’t know, it was a different time back in the early nineties, kids.
At any rate, to prove that my coolness has continued over the past fifteen years, I’m getting together tonight with some friends for a knitting group that will be called, you guessed it, the Bitter Knitters. The bitter knitting has indeed come full circle.
We’re open to suggestions at this point for logos, designs for satin jackets, coffee mugs, pot holders etc. to celebrate the Bitter Knitters.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
New Family Member
I am bursting at the seams with joy. Proud to announced the latest family member into Beth’s life.
It’s shiny.
It’s pink.
It’s my new iPod mini.
I love it so unbearably much. I promise to feed it and water it and play with it and take it for walks and name it George.
It’s shiny.
It’s pink.
It’s my new iPod mini.
I love it so unbearably much. I promise to feed it and water it and play with it and take it for walks and name it George.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Personal Update
Again with the sharing of overly personal information in a public forum! Yahoo! I wanted to provide an update about Beth’s Antidepressant Adventure since it’s been almost two months and many of you have been kind enough to ask how things are going with me.
First of all, thank you, friends. Thank you for the terrific emails and phone calls and chats over coffee to check in with me. I was a little tentative to go public about this whole experience, but it’s ultimately made it a billion times easier for me to get through the whole process. Hearing people’s stories about their own personal struggles and dealings has been enormously comforting, and the support I’ve felt lately has just been so inspiring and touching. So thanks.
Second of all, thank YOU, antidepressants! Thank YOU, scientists and drug companies that make antidepressants! Thanks to my sweet pharmacist at the downtown drug store! After finally getting my dosage upped to the right level, can I just say what a wonderful addition to my life you all have been? You. Are. So. Great. Seriously. I feel so much better! I have energy and interest in things again. This was the first weekend where I actually DID NOT want to sit around the house doing nothing for two straight days. I can concentrate and focus and feel things again. It really has been a huge transformation and I’m very happy that I finally took some action and got some help.
Sigh. Life is good again. It’s amazing, like being shown the proverbial light at the end of a dark, cramped tunnel. I wish I could come up with a better analogy than that, but it's apt. And it's great to be on the outside again.
First of all, thank you, friends. Thank you for the terrific emails and phone calls and chats over coffee to check in with me. I was a little tentative to go public about this whole experience, but it’s ultimately made it a billion times easier for me to get through the whole process. Hearing people’s stories about their own personal struggles and dealings has been enormously comforting, and the support I’ve felt lately has just been so inspiring and touching. So thanks.
Second of all, thank YOU, antidepressants! Thank YOU, scientists and drug companies that make antidepressants! Thanks to my sweet pharmacist at the downtown drug store! After finally getting my dosage upped to the right level, can I just say what a wonderful addition to my life you all have been? You. Are. So. Great. Seriously. I feel so much better! I have energy and interest in things again. This was the first weekend where I actually DID NOT want to sit around the house doing nothing for two straight days. I can concentrate and focus and feel things again. It really has been a huge transformation and I’m very happy that I finally took some action and got some help.
Sigh. Life is good again. It’s amazing, like being shown the proverbial light at the end of a dark, cramped tunnel. I wish I could come up with a better analogy than that, but it's apt. And it's great to be on the outside again.
National Puff Day
Hereby solidifying my status as a crazy cat lady, I report to the world that today is the One Year Anniversary of Mrs. Puff’s Life With Beth. It was one year ago today where I ran frantically into the Bellevue Humane Society and screeched to whomever would listen that I needed to immediately rescue the giant grey cat I saw on the Internet (formerly known as Teddy Bear).
The old girl was hidden away in the quarantine section, asleep in her food dish, her face caked with food, coughing and wheezing with a respiratory infection, suffering from an irritated eye. It was Not Pretty. Pleased to say that she’s all recovered, now snugglier than ever, more obese than ever, and happier than I think she’s been in a long time.
Everyone please shout out “MURF” and roll over to expose your giant bellies to celebrate National Puff Day.
The old girl was hidden away in the quarantine section, asleep in her food dish, her face caked with food, coughing and wheezing with a respiratory infection, suffering from an irritated eye. It was Not Pretty. Pleased to say that she’s all recovered, now snugglier than ever, more obese than ever, and happier than I think she’s been in a long time.
Everyone please shout out “MURF” and roll over to expose your giant bellies to celebrate National Puff Day.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
For all you art geek types
Having just finished The Passion of Artemisia, I am all hopped up to head out to Florence and wander the cobblestone pathways looking at art while baking in the Italian sun. It was one of those books that had sat on my shelves for literally YEARS before I finally dug it out and decided to check it out – well worth the time!
If you’re interested in learning more about the actual artist Artemisia Gentileschi and would like to check out some of her paintings that are referenced in the book (c’mon, you know you do…), you can check them out here, and here and here.
If you’re interested in learning more about the actual artist Artemisia Gentileschi and would like to check out some of her paintings that are referenced in the book (c’mon, you know you do…), you can check them out here, and here and here.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
On the road again…..
Forget whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens – this weekend was all about indulging in my favorite things in Vancouver. I’m feeling all warm and snuggly after a weekend getaway to Canada where I got to enjoy my usual routine of Robson Street goodness. Anyone who’s been to Vancouver with me can attest to the fact that I have the Exact. Same. Routine. Every. Single. Time I go there. Even the bathroom stop/coffee pickup at the Haggen’s in Bellingham – it’s the same trip every time and that’s just fine by this girl.
Beth’s Consistent Vancouver Routine kicks off at the Sheraton Wall Centre (really, the best hotel in all of Canada, it never fails to exceed my needs), where I comment extensively on the softness of the bedding. This may or may not involve my petting the throw pillows and saying “DAMMIT THESE ARE SO FRICKIN’ SOFT!!” many, many times.
Next up is Hon’s for some dim sum and wonton soup. The wonton soup there is seriously amazing – a hint of sesame oil in the broth just makes it all go down the right way. This time it was packed with ramen noodles. Niiice.
After that the tour takes you to Lush and Kiehl’s, and then down the street to Chapters to check out the trashy British chick-lit novels that aren’t yet available in the States. Sometimes there’s spa activity involved at Skoah, sometimes not. Usually there is sushi at Tsunami Sushi, where I marvel at conveyor belt sushi and drink too much sake and say “DAMMIT EVERY RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD SHOULD SERVE FOOD ON FRICKIN’ CONVEYOR BELTS!”
And then it’s back to the States, where I wait for the next time I need to leave the country for some predictable Canadian enjoyment.
Beth’s Consistent Vancouver Routine kicks off at the Sheraton Wall Centre (really, the best hotel in all of Canada, it never fails to exceed my needs), where I comment extensively on the softness of the bedding. This may or may not involve my petting the throw pillows and saying “DAMMIT THESE ARE SO FRICKIN’ SOFT!!” many, many times.
Next up is Hon’s for some dim sum and wonton soup. The wonton soup there is seriously amazing – a hint of sesame oil in the broth just makes it all go down the right way. This time it was packed with ramen noodles. Niiice.
After that the tour takes you to Lush and Kiehl’s, and then down the street to Chapters to check out the trashy British chick-lit novels that aren’t yet available in the States. Sometimes there’s spa activity involved at Skoah, sometimes not. Usually there is sushi at Tsunami Sushi, where I marvel at conveyor belt sushi and drink too much sake and say “DAMMIT EVERY RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD SHOULD SERVE FOOD ON FRICKIN’ CONVEYOR BELTS!”
And then it’s back to the States, where I wait for the next time I need to leave the country for some predictable Canadian enjoyment.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Open letter to the kid across from my on the bus, talking to his brother on his cell phone:
Dude. Seriously. I know you’ve got a rough day ahead of you, but can I offer a tidbit of advice? When you’re on a crowded bus during the morning rush hour, it’s best NOT to throw phrases like these around loudly:
“Yeah, I’m going off to court this morning…”
“….yeah, I guess he’s pretty strict…”
“….Mom? Yeah, I called her already…”
“….so yeah, if I call you this afternoon it means it went well I guess…”
“….yeah, I mean, if you don’t hear from me, that means….yeah.”
“….that would just suck, dude, because I like having my freedom, you know?”
Thanks and good luck today,
Concerned Passenger on the Number 10 Bus
“Yeah, I’m going off to court this morning…”
“….yeah, I guess he’s pretty strict…”
“….Mom? Yeah, I called her already…”
“….so yeah, if I call you this afternoon it means it went well I guess…”
“….yeah, I mean, if you don’t hear from me, that means….yeah.”
“….that would just suck, dude, because I like having my freedom, you know?”
Thanks and good luck today,
Concerned Passenger on the Number 10 Bus
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Sunday evening
Has it really been a month since last I blogged? I guess so. Yeesh. How's life been with y'all? It's been a bunch of different emotions these last few weeks:
Domestic and nesty. I made my annual batches of pickles and blueberry jam over Labor Day weekend. I never thought I'd be the type of person that made jam on an annual basis, but hey, it works. Tonight I made lemon bread -- that Better Homes and Gardens cookbook has surprisingly come in handy lately. With fall comes a desire to nest and buy scented candles and decorative throw pillows.
Exhausted. Work has been crazy busy lately. Craaaazy busy.
Thankful. And yet, despite the crazy work-related business mentioned above, I still find myself loving my workplace and feeling so blessed to have found an environment that nutures and cares about me. I really can't see myself working anywhere else.
Frustrated, cranky and irritated. Cause, you know. I just am, okay?
Domestic and nesty. I made my annual batches of pickles and blueberry jam over Labor Day weekend. I never thought I'd be the type of person that made jam on an annual basis, but hey, it works. Tonight I made lemon bread -- that Better Homes and Gardens cookbook has surprisingly come in handy lately. With fall comes a desire to nest and buy scented candles and decorative throw pillows.
Exhausted. Work has been crazy busy lately. Craaaazy busy.
Thankful. And yet, despite the crazy work-related business mentioned above, I still find myself loving my workplace and feeling so blessed to have found an environment that nutures and cares about me. I really can't see myself working anywhere else.
Frustrated, cranky and irritated. Cause, you know. I just am, okay?
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Pandas and Extended Nudity With Friends: Beth Returns From Vacation!
So, phew, where to begin? It’s been a mighty long time since last I posted anything, so there’s much to catch up on.
Let me start by thanking the Johnson clan for putting me up in their lovely home for a few days and for showering me with the gifts of homemade naan and roasted Tandoori Chicken. Taste-eeeee! These folks put on an amazing feast every time I see them and this was no exception. Props to Tony for giving me WORD (You rock, little man) and to Sophia for a great picnic with the Care Bears. Here’s to more bizarre memories that we won’t be able to remember 20 years from now! Scavengers? I’m so glad I finally got off my behind and came down for a visit, just as I’ve threatened to do for years and years, it was definitely worth it.
Which brings me to the PANDAS. Pandas! Wheeee! Live, cuddly, snuggly pandas. Life is just totally worth being giddy over after you’ve watched a panda sitting in a tree, eating some bamboo, being all snuggly and panda-like. It’s just cuteness on a ridiculous scale. They should come with the same warnings that I feel baby otters should be issued. Do Not Look Directly Into The Cuteness. Can you tell I went a little panda-happy, folks? Can I also mention that you can buy a shot glass at the zoo with a picture of a baby panda on it? Does that seem….not quite right?
Which NEXT brings me to the wine country. Wine country! Wheeeee! Land of full-bodied cabernets and brie by the truckload – Beth was truly in paradise. The only way it could have been better was if the pandas actually came with us and served up the brie and wine (a plan I am actually working on, by the way). In an attempt to detox from the past few weeks/months, Beth and her travel companion Stacy decided to hit the spas for the famous Calistoga mud baths during our stay.
This seemed like a good idea at the time. Again, I repeat. A good idea at the time.
It wasn’t until we entered the mud bath room at the spa and stared at the giant vats of mud before us that we realized – Holy. Crapola. We will. Have to be. Naked. In the mud. Next to each other. Together. Without. Clothing on.
After much sputtering and staring and awkward glances we sucked up our dignity, sucked in our tummies, closed our eyes and the next thing we knew we were sitting in a vat of hot mud in the buff. We’re definitely crossed a line that friends usually don’t cross on vacations. (This line is called the Sitting Naked In a Vat of Hot Mud For $75, by the way).
Was it all worth it? Let’s say I’ve seen a lot in a week’s time, and that’s not a bad thing sometimes.
Let me start by thanking the Johnson clan for putting me up in their lovely home for a few days and for showering me with the gifts of homemade naan and roasted Tandoori Chicken. Taste-eeeee! These folks put on an amazing feast every time I see them and this was no exception. Props to Tony for giving me WORD (You rock, little man) and to Sophia for a great picnic with the Care Bears. Here’s to more bizarre memories that we won’t be able to remember 20 years from now! Scavengers? I’m so glad I finally got off my behind and came down for a visit, just as I’ve threatened to do for years and years, it was definitely worth it.
Which brings me to the PANDAS. Pandas! Wheeee! Live, cuddly, snuggly pandas. Life is just totally worth being giddy over after you’ve watched a panda sitting in a tree, eating some bamboo, being all snuggly and panda-like. It’s just cuteness on a ridiculous scale. They should come with the same warnings that I feel baby otters should be issued. Do Not Look Directly Into The Cuteness. Can you tell I went a little panda-happy, folks? Can I also mention that you can buy a shot glass at the zoo with a picture of a baby panda on it? Does that seem….not quite right?
Which NEXT brings me to the wine country. Wine country! Wheeeee! Land of full-bodied cabernets and brie by the truckload – Beth was truly in paradise. The only way it could have been better was if the pandas actually came with us and served up the brie and wine (a plan I am actually working on, by the way). In an attempt to detox from the past few weeks/months, Beth and her travel companion Stacy decided to hit the spas for the famous Calistoga mud baths during our stay.
This seemed like a good idea at the time. Again, I repeat. A good idea at the time.
It wasn’t until we entered the mud bath room at the spa and stared at the giant vats of mud before us that we realized – Holy. Crapola. We will. Have to be. Naked. In the mud. Next to each other. Together. Without. Clothing on.
After much sputtering and staring and awkward glances we sucked up our dignity, sucked in our tummies, closed our eyes and the next thing we knew we were sitting in a vat of hot mud in the buff. We’re definitely crossed a line that friends usually don’t cross on vacations. (This line is called the Sitting Naked In a Vat of Hot Mud For $75, by the way).
Was it all worth it? Let’s say I’ve seen a lot in a week’s time, and that’s not a bad thing sometimes.
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