Sunday, February 10, 2008

A really awful, awful decision

Well World at Large, it's with an incredibly heavy and sniffly heart that I've made the decision to send Mrs. Puff to the Rainbow Bridge. We've got an appointment on Tuesday morning.

When I had to make this call with Thomas the Wonder Cat a few years ago, my decision was so much simpler - he had wasted away to just fur and bones and was a shell of his former self. I knew it was time and I was comforted that I had made the right decision for him.

It's not that clear cut with Puff. Where Thomas' decline lasted for several months (too long, I now realize) this has sprung up out suddenly, seemingly randomly, and in less than a month my apartment has been transformed into a 500 square foot pet hospital, filled with pills and special foods and Sub-Q equipment. It's so much to get my head and my heart around. How the hell did this happen?

The most heart-wrenching part is that, despite what the vet has called a "very guarded" prognosis, Puff's still very much her usual self. She's snuggly and alert and headbutting as usual. Still, we're likely talking a matter of weeks or months - they can't say at this point. But I'm enough of a realist to know that these "good days" will not last forever and the time will come when she'll waste away and stop "murfing" at me for food in the early morning and she'll hide under the bed and barf and be in pain all the time. And I can't have that - not for her and not for me, either.

There's a big part of me that feels selfish and cowardly for not doing everything in my power to help save Puff and give her the best care possible - second opinions, alternative treatments, etc. But in the end, the end result will always the same - this is, after all, a disease that can only be managed and treated but never cured. And I can't see her get sick like that, nor can I continue stuffing pills down her throat and making her miserable just to prolong her life. Instead I'd like to remember Puffster as she was....a cranky, opinionated, grossly obese cat with poor grooming skills and an endless appetite for snuggling close next to people while they're sleeping.

Think good Puff thoughts this week....


Rena said...

I am so sorry to hear about Mrs. Puff, I know how hard it is to make that decision. I am sure Mrs. Puff understood what was happening and knew she was loved. Cats have that sixth sense.

If you need anything at all, let me know. I am here old friend.

Dave said...

Many vibes from across the pond...I'm so sorry! I'm glad I got to meet her (and be headbutted) that one time.