Q: Beth, I notice that you regularly update your list of Things You Do (and Do Not) Enjoy, but never, ever, not even once, have you taken "Eels" off of your list of Things You Do Not enjoy. Fess up. What's your beef with eels?
A: Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen an eel? Take the creepiness of a giant snake, couple it the Underwater Factor where said giant snake can swim really really fast, and then give that giant underwater snake the power of electricity. ELECTRICITY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. I am getting the heeby-jeebies just typing about eels. Your letter alone gives me the shivers and not in a good way.
Q: What's a supposedly hip 30-something single woman doing watching The Spongebob Squarepants Movie? I would have thought you to have a lot more sophisticated taste in movies than that.
A: Oh Puh-leeze. We can't all watch existential Bergman films all the time. Spongebob is a super-cool subversive (and submersive) yellow ROCK STAR and I love him. I don't like the tone of your letter, it reeks of someone that is accepting of eels. Back off, eel-boy.