Open letter to the producers of Evening Magazine, a local news feature show here in Seattle:
To Whom It May Concern,
I was flipping aimlessly through the channels last night when your program caught my attention and made me spit out my gourmet/nutritionally sound and balanced dinner (i.e., cold cereal). It was about the new baby otter at the Seattle Aquarium that is looking for a name.
May I just say, kind sirs, that you cannot in good conscience show a BABY FRICKIN' OTTER and not expect people to squeal and spit out their dinner with the immense CUTENESS that you submit them to. I mean, as if full grown adult otters are not ridiculously cute ENOUGH, what with the eating shellfish off their tummies and their swimming around all cute-like, but to show a BABY OTTER was just too much for me. It bordered on the cruel. Cruel and snuggly and wuggly and precious and who's a baby otter? Who is? Are you? You are??
See?? You've distracted me just THINKING about that damned adorable baby otter.
Therefore, I suggest a short warning be issued whenever you feature the baby otter again on your program, so that I won't have to squeal like a giddy schoolgirl again and dribble my cereal (oops, I meant gourmet dinner) all over my shirt again.