We're easy to please in Seattle; all it takes is some simple daylight and warmth and we're positively giddy. Like, take your woolen socks off and wear your Birkenstocks with bare feet kind of giddy. Its sunny! It's the best!
Franklin has re-discovered the patio, after six months of cold and wet, and absolutely loves it. I repotted a plant this morning and he went right to hoovering up the potting soil and wagging his tail and smiling at me like, "Warm outside is the BEST!"
I bring up the BEST because as I fell asleep last night I started making a list in my head of Things That Are The Best. As in, things that never get old or tiresome - things that are reliably awesome every single time, things you enjoy down to the very bottom of your toes. So far, I've come up with (in no order):
1.) Franklin
2.) That first cup of coffee in the morning
3.) Maui
4.) Snorkeling
5.) Stouffer's frozen lasagne
6.) Enchiladas
7.) London
8.) Losing weight
9.) Making out like a sloppy nervous teenager
10.) That feeling when your whole house is clean
11.) Laying in the sun and feeling your skin get warm
12.) Walking barefoot in the grass
13.) Fresh clean sheets
14.) Holding your hand against a cat while they purr
15.) Naps
16.) Massages
17.) No alarm clocks
18.) The color between blue and purple (blurple?), or maybe turquoise and lavender (lavenquoise?)
19.) The smell of Playdoh
20.) Those monkeys in Japan that hang out in hot springs in the winter ("hot tub monkeys")
What's on your list?
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Blogs are hard.
Okay, so you guys? Blogging is, like, REALLY HARD. Coming up with topics and regular content is, like, SUPER HARD, and this is coming from someone that used to be responsible for putting together blog topics for actual, legitimate, professional businesses.
"They" say to write what you know, These days I'm enjoying a year-long self-imposed sabbatical from work. I suppose I can share a few tidbits that I learned in my first five months of free time:
1.) Naps are awesome. We knew this one all along, really, but come on. Naps rule big time. I pretty much take one every single day, and that's in addition to sleeping through the night. Love them.
2.) Old people at the grocery store are kind of the worst. Come on now, I'm not saying YOUR grandma is the worst. I'm just saying that every time someone in front of me at Trader Joe's writes a check for their groceries, a tiny part of me dies inside.
3.) Seattle is VERY SERIOUS about leaf blowing. Dude, we leaf blow the BEJEEZUS out of this town. My apartment building alone has two guys that come every Thursday and blow leaves around the parking lot for at least four hours. The Taco Time down the street leaf blows for two solid hours every single morning. Most of you are at work during the day so you don't experience this. Lucky. Bastards.
4.) The audience members on Ellen are Batshit Crazy. I kind of heart Ellen; she's good peeps. Her audience members are another thing. Dude, they are CRAYZEE. When she comes out at the beginning of the show? It's like Oprah's Everybody Gets a Car!-level of enthusiasm every single day. When Ellen starts to work her dance moves, people all but tear up and pull their hair out. Cray. Zee.
Finishing a list of five things is also hard. After a few months of not working and generally chilling out, I have the attention span and schedule of a retired person. Which is, essentially, who I spend most of my time with these days. I don't like the crowds that show up on the weekends at my bank and Target and how fast they all drive. Which isn't bad (unless I start writing checks at Trader Joe's).
"They" say to write what you know, These days I'm enjoying a year-long self-imposed sabbatical from work. I suppose I can share a few tidbits that I learned in my first five months of free time:
1.) Naps are awesome. We knew this one all along, really, but come on. Naps rule big time. I pretty much take one every single day, and that's in addition to sleeping through the night. Love them.
2.) Old people at the grocery store are kind of the worst. Come on now, I'm not saying YOUR grandma is the worst. I'm just saying that every time someone in front of me at Trader Joe's writes a check for their groceries, a tiny part of me dies inside.
3.) Seattle is VERY SERIOUS about leaf blowing. Dude, we leaf blow the BEJEEZUS out of this town. My apartment building alone has two guys that come every Thursday and blow leaves around the parking lot for at least four hours. The Taco Time down the street leaf blows for two solid hours every single morning. Most of you are at work during the day so you don't experience this. Lucky. Bastards.
4.) The audience members on Ellen are Batshit Crazy. I kind of heart Ellen; she's good peeps. Her audience members are another thing. Dude, they are CRAYZEE. When she comes out at the beginning of the show? It's like Oprah's Everybody Gets a Car!-level of enthusiasm every single day. When Ellen starts to work her dance moves, people all but tear up and pull their hair out. Cray. Zee.
Finishing a list of five things is also hard. After a few months of not working and generally chilling out, I have the attention span and schedule of a retired person. Which is, essentially, who I spend most of my time with these days. I don't like the crowds that show up on the weekends at my bank and Target and how fast they all drive. Which isn't bad (unless I start writing checks at Trader Joe's).
Friday, January 04, 2013
Catfish, or Are You People For Real?
Recently over Christmas I discovered a show on MTV called "Catfish." I hadn't heard of this previously because I'm in my late thirties and break out in a rash whenever my remote gets too close to MTV programming.
But I gave it a whirl, and MAN was it worth it. For those unawares, it goes like this: These two guys, Nev and Max, get pitched from people all over the country who are in online relationships and feel there MIGHT BE something sketchy about the person they're involved with and they MIGHT NOT BE who they say they are.
In many cases these people meet each other on Facebook or in chat rooms, etc. and have been involved in online relationships for several months, or several years, and in one case TEN WHOLE YEARS, and have never met the person they're involved with. Some have never had so much as a phone call with their virtual significant other. The relationships seem to consist of lots of Facebook time and texting "I luv you babe" and "ur so hot" to another person and calling that person a soul mate, when, in all probability that other person could be a robot or a serial killer or a pre-op transexual or a jealous girlfriend or a horny senior citizen in Guatemala.
Which is where Nev and Max come in. These two guys are seriously the sweetest souls on the earth. The fact that never once have they bitched slapped these gullible saps a la Cher in Moonstruck ("SNAP OUT OF IT!") speaks volumes. They are sympathetic and genuinely seem to want to help these suckers find out who exactly they've been involved with.
Nev and Max use a highly propietary, extremely technical detective program known as "Google" to do their research. This is perhaps what makes me craziest about Catfish. If you've been in an online "relationship" with someone for TEN YEARS and you've never once Googled them, that might be a red flag. For both of you. Just sayin'. I've Googled salespeople at Nordstrom that sell me eyeliner and you haven't Googled your soul mate?
Ten times out of ten it turns out that the person in question is not who or what they claimed to be in the relationship. Again, Nev and Max are the kindest, gentlest people in the world about this. They are always respectful when they try and coordinate an in-person meeting between the two people. They don't use the Stupid Voice like I would, nor do they glance knowingly at the camera la Jim Halpert from The Office.
Just once I want Nev and Max to lose their shit and go off on these gullible souls. They don't give them so much as a pitying, "bless your heart" hand squeeze. Even when they're in their hotel rooms using The Google to conduct their Secret Detective Work, they never snicker and condescend about the complete lack of common sense these crazy-ass people have.
And that's really what keeps me watching the show. To watch that bit of human kindness among such massive, massive, MASSIVE gullibility.
Keep on trolling for catfish, Nev and Max. Godspeed.
But I gave it a whirl, and MAN was it worth it. For those unawares, it goes like this: These two guys, Nev and Max, get pitched from people all over the country who are in online relationships and feel there MIGHT BE something sketchy about the person they're involved with and they MIGHT NOT BE who they say they are.
In many cases these people meet each other on Facebook or in chat rooms, etc. and have been involved in online relationships for several months, or several years, and in one case TEN WHOLE YEARS, and have never met the person they're involved with. Some have never had so much as a phone call with their virtual significant other. The relationships seem to consist of lots of Facebook time and texting "I luv you babe" and "ur so hot" to another person and calling that person a soul mate, when, in all probability that other person could be a robot or a serial killer or a pre-op transexual or a jealous girlfriend or a horny senior citizen in Guatemala.
Which is where Nev and Max come in. These two guys are seriously the sweetest souls on the earth. The fact that never once have they bitched slapped these gullible saps a la Cher in Moonstruck ("SNAP OUT OF IT!") speaks volumes. They are sympathetic and genuinely seem to want to help these suckers find out who exactly they've been involved with.
Nev and Max use a highly propietary, extremely technical detective program known as "Google" to do their research. This is perhaps what makes me craziest about Catfish. If you've been in an online "relationship" with someone for TEN YEARS and you've never once Googled them, that might be a red flag. For both of you. Just sayin'. I've Googled salespeople at Nordstrom that sell me eyeliner and you haven't Googled your soul mate?
Ten times out of ten it turns out that the person in question is not who or what they claimed to be in the relationship. Again, Nev and Max are the kindest, gentlest people in the world about this. They are always respectful when they try and coordinate an in-person meeting between the two people. They don't use the Stupid Voice like I would, nor do they glance knowingly at the camera la Jim Halpert from The Office.
Just once I want Nev and Max to lose their shit and go off on these gullible souls. They don't give them so much as a pitying, "bless your heart" hand squeeze. Even when they're in their hotel rooms using The Google to conduct their Secret Detective Work, they never snicker and condescend about the complete lack of common sense these crazy-ass people have.
And that's really what keeps me watching the show. To watch that bit of human kindness among such massive, massive, MASSIVE gullibility.
Keep on trolling for catfish, Nev and Max. Godspeed.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
Happy 2013, blogosphere. I see we have quite a crowd of folks lined up outside to re-enter the World of Beth - many of whom have camped overnight and have tears streaming down their faces at the thought of hearing my random thoughts and stories. Wait no more, universe! I am back! Huzzah!
Why return now, many of you might ask? Well, it's the start of the new year and time to implement some resolutions. Plus, I'm unemployed and when else will I have this much time to share stories about my chiweenie Franklin?
The main reason, though, is the thousands of emails and letters and phone calls and texts and faxes I received from all over the world, from people just like you, begging me to re-start the blog. Okay, that's maybe not so true.
Actually (and this really is true) my therapist said to me recently, "Have you ever thought about writing a book?" And something clicked in my head - because when your THERAPIST, the licensed medical professional you share all your super crazy talk with, tells you that you have some good material for a book, you can't walk away from that. "I think you'd be really good at it," she said....and all I could do was wonder what I had just blabbered on about that hour that made her think "YOU CANNOT BE MAKING THIS STUFF UP; SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE THIS SHIT DOWN."
So really, I'm just carrying out my civic responsibility to share the crazy stuff that happens to me. Enjoy!
Why return now, many of you might ask? Well, it's the start of the new year and time to implement some resolutions. Plus, I'm unemployed and when else will I have this much time to share stories about my chiweenie Franklin?
The main reason, though, is the thousands of emails and letters and phone calls and texts and faxes I received from all over the world, from people just like you, begging me to re-start the blog. Okay, that's maybe not so true.
Actually (and this really is true) my therapist said to me recently, "Have you ever thought about writing a book?" And something clicked in my head - because when your THERAPIST, the licensed medical professional you share all your super crazy talk with, tells you that you have some good material for a book, you can't walk away from that. "I think you'd be really good at it," she said....and all I could do was wonder what I had just blabbered on about that hour that made her think "YOU CANNOT BE MAKING THIS STUFF UP; SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE THIS SHIT DOWN."
So really, I'm just carrying out my civic responsibility to share the crazy stuff that happens to me. Enjoy!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Well, hey there, blogosphere
Long time, no see, universe. How's it going? It's been three years since I visited the World of Beth blog.You look good. Your hair has changed, no?
Today I revisited several of the blogs I used to follow religiously and WHOA. Things had been shaken up significantly. These people that I've never met - never interacted with - they had changed. Evolved. Some had gotten divorced; some had had children; some had written books. I felt like I was getting back in touch with old friends. It was nice to hear what they had been up to - hearing their old familiar voices and issues and catching up since 2003 when I "met" a lot of these virtual friends. Seeing pictures of what they looked like now and where they had been on vacation.
I like the voyueristic nature of blogs. That you're essentially reading someone else's diary. Their "Web log." Their journal of the daily minutea and workaday issues that stress them out and make them giddy and sad and crafty and alive. I haven't blogged in three years and its mind-boggling to think about how that word has evolved since then. Everyone has a blog. Every celebrity, politician, reporter, high school student and divorced mom has a blog. It's cool. It's hideous. It's....how we communicate now. We don't tell people how we feel anymore - we blog about it.
Facebook replaced the blog for a while. Not sure if this will last or what I'll cover in this space. Figured it was worth revisiting. Anyhoo, we'll see how this journey goes.
What's new with YOU?
Today I revisited several of the blogs I used to follow religiously and WHOA. Things had been shaken up significantly. These people that I've never met - never interacted with - they had changed. Evolved. Some had gotten divorced; some had had children; some had written books. I felt like I was getting back in touch with old friends. It was nice to hear what they had been up to - hearing their old familiar voices and issues and catching up since 2003 when I "met" a lot of these virtual friends. Seeing pictures of what they looked like now and where they had been on vacation.
I like the voyueristic nature of blogs. That you're essentially reading someone else's diary. Their "Web log." Their journal of the daily minutea and workaday issues that stress them out and make them giddy and sad and crafty and alive. I haven't blogged in three years and its mind-boggling to think about how that word has evolved since then. Everyone has a blog. Every celebrity, politician, reporter, high school student and divorced mom has a blog. It's cool. It's hideous. It's....how we communicate now. We don't tell people how we feel anymore - we blog about it.
Facebook replaced the blog for a while. Not sure if this will last or what I'll cover in this space. Figured it was worth revisiting. Anyhoo, we'll see how this journey goes.
What's new with YOU?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Plouf! Jen visits San Francisco
It's always nice to have friends visit you, but when you're t-minus one week from moving and in desperate need of an extra pair of hands, it's especially welcome. A World of Beth shout out is due to Jen, who helped to kick off the packing process and did not even blink when she had to put hundreds of books into boxes during her vacation.
But speaking of vacation, I must say there were several highlights during her visit that I quite enjoyed - dinner at Plouf on Belden Lane, viewing the city from atop of Coit Tower, finally eating breakfast at Mama's on Washington Square, taking photos of my 9x bus route through Chinatown and watching The Lost Boys during a lazy afternoon. All good stuff - now to get the rest of the apartment packed up in the next few days and then to hit the road on Saturday afternoon!
Full speed ahead....
But speaking of vacation, I must say there were several highlights during her visit that I quite enjoyed - dinner at Plouf on Belden Lane, viewing the city from atop of Coit Tower, finally eating breakfast at Mama's on Washington Square, taking photos of my 9x bus route through Chinatown and watching The Lost Boys during a lazy afternoon. All good stuff - now to get the rest of the apartment packed up in the next few days and then to hit the road on Saturday afternoon!
Full speed ahead....
Saturday, June 13, 2009
XOXO
As a lazy person with copious amounts of free time on her hands these days, I find myself chilling around the apartment doing one of two things: watching bad TV infomercials and/or watching bad Internet video.
I must say I've become a wee bit addicted to what I can only call celebrity devotional videos on You Tube. This is a fairly new concept to the World of Beth, though apparently every 14 year old girl worth her salt can paste together a 3-minute movie montage of scenes with her favorite teen heartthrob and set it to dreamy music. Back in my day (shaking my cane in anger), when we were obsessed with a boy, we cut out pictures from Tiger Beat magazine and pasted those pictures in our lockers. This whole video montage tribute idea kind of makes my head hurt. The fact that Tiger Beat is now online also makes my head hurt.
As a side note, I do find those videos very convenient, if you're, say, ever-so slightly obsessed with Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. Never mind that he's the naughtiest dreamboat to hit primetime and that his eyes turn your knees to Jell-O or you're in your thirties and he's 17, or that it would never work between you because his heart belongs to Blair, or that he's, say, entirely fictional, I digress...I'm just sayin' - to the 14-year-old girls in the Midwest that are putting together these very cheesy videos of Chuck Bass in their parents' basements, I THANK YOU.
I hear Billy Mays screaming at me from the other room - I need to catch up on my infomercial viewing...
I must say I've become a wee bit addicted to what I can only call celebrity devotional videos on You Tube. This is a fairly new concept to the World of Beth, though apparently every 14 year old girl worth her salt can paste together a 3-minute movie montage of scenes with her favorite teen heartthrob and set it to dreamy music. Back in my day (shaking my cane in anger), when we were obsessed with a boy, we cut out pictures from Tiger Beat magazine and pasted those pictures in our lockers. This whole video montage tribute idea kind of makes my head hurt. The fact that Tiger Beat is now online also makes my head hurt.
As a side note, I do find those videos very convenient, if you're, say, ever-so slightly obsessed with Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. Never mind that he's the naughtiest dreamboat to hit primetime and that his eyes turn your knees to Jell-O or you're in your thirties and he's 17, or that it would never work between you because his heart belongs to Blair, or that he's, say, entirely fictional, I digress...I'm just sayin' - to the 14-year-old girls in the Midwest that are putting together these very cheesy videos of Chuck Bass in their parents' basements, I THANK YOU.
I hear Billy Mays screaming at me from the other room - I need to catch up on my infomercial viewing...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Radical Sabbatical 2009: Beth Re-Enters Suburbia and the Blogosphere
Ah kids, it's good to be back in the blogosphere! Six months after my last post (enter sad trombone sound here), and so, so much has changed. While I haven't gone all Jillian Michaels-ish and turned into a rock-hard triathlete, there have been some major renovations going on in the World of Beth.
To quote Ross and Rachel circa 1996-ish, I'm "on a break" from my boyfriend Mister Employment. Mister Employment was great - we had been going steady and strong for 15 years or so, but the time has come for a good old fashion summer vacation where I can reconnect with my friends and family, exhale and re-evaluate my options, and start to unfold the knotted up little person I've become.
This decision has been a long time in the making and one that both terrifies and inspires me, which makes me realize that I'm on the right track. For years I have had a card on my fridge that reminds me, "We must travel in the direction of our fear" and that's what this summer break is all about.
I read this guest blog post on Andrea's "Superhero Journal" blog that touched me and reminded me that this decision has me on the right path:
do you ever notice that when we slow down and pay close attention to our lives, we feel the enormity and the magic of beginnings, endings, and all the small yet meaningful moments in between? we cry when we hear music or read words that touch down into the spaces of our hearts that are a bit undercover, not frequently visited. we get emotional when we consider the distance we've traveled with our best girlfriends. we stand in awe when we see and hear stories of dreams coming true. we recognize the tiniest exchanges between us and our partners that leave us feeling loved. and we are deeply touched by the circle of life, stories told, and memories shared.
Although i feel the brightness in my everyday life, I'll admit that i really felt it while on vacation, when my heart had a little more room and permission to rest and to see. the downtime gave me a good dose of perspective and clarity about all the things i could do to infuse more joy and fun into my life back home. but wouldn't you know that the minute i returned home, i was back to overwhelm, long working hours, too much computer time, and an unbalanced routine that left me feeling dull and depleted. by day 3 of this i began to panic. is this the life i've chosen? you are so blessed, why are you complaining? geez kelly, what is your problem?
And that's when i sent out an urgent email to a few dear friends asking for help. after admitting defeat and overwhelm, i asked: how do you get out of the house, tend to your creative yearnings, build a business, maintain that business, nurture your relationships, meet your deadlines, and on and on? if you have a secret, please share.
Of course it turns out that nobody had the secret. we're all just doing the best we can, sometimes juggling it all with confidence + grace, sometimes not. it also turns out that by opening up the conversation, we each had an opportunity to relate, to feel less alone, to admit defeat in other areas of our lives, and even to celebrate what was working in our lives. the simple act of reaching out, asking for help, and hearing their stories of struggle and triumphs was exactly what i needed to take few steps back and adjust.
What i'm learning this week while i navigate these waters is this: that we are 100% allowed to stop - that we won't be forgotten if we do. that our overwhelm is a whisper worth listening to. that our dreams can absolutely change shape and our everyday lives/balance/routine can change accordingly. that we must speak up about our feelings of defeat/burnout/overwhelm, because we're not alone. and most importantly, that its our vulnerabilities that connect us and that we can soar, always soar on the brightness of being alive.
Stay tuned for more adventures from the Mile High Suburbs......
To quote Ross and Rachel circa 1996-ish, I'm "on a break" from my boyfriend Mister Employment. Mister Employment was great - we had been going steady and strong for 15 years or so, but the time has come for a good old fashion summer vacation where I can reconnect with my friends and family, exhale and re-evaluate my options, and start to unfold the knotted up little person I've become.
This decision has been a long time in the making and one that both terrifies and inspires me, which makes me realize that I'm on the right track. For years I have had a card on my fridge that reminds me, "We must travel in the direction of our fear" and that's what this summer break is all about.
I read this guest blog post on Andrea's "Superhero Journal" blog that touched me and reminded me that this decision has me on the right path:
do you ever notice that when we slow down and pay close attention to our lives, we feel the enormity and the magic of beginnings, endings, and all the small yet meaningful moments in between? we cry when we hear music or read words that touch down into the spaces of our hearts that are a bit undercover, not frequently visited. we get emotional when we consider the distance we've traveled with our best girlfriends. we stand in awe when we see and hear stories of dreams coming true. we recognize the tiniest exchanges between us and our partners that leave us feeling loved. and we are deeply touched by the circle of life, stories told, and memories shared.
Although i feel the brightness in my everyday life, I'll admit that i really felt it while on vacation, when my heart had a little more room and permission to rest and to see. the downtime gave me a good dose of perspective and clarity about all the things i could do to infuse more joy and fun into my life back home. but wouldn't you know that the minute i returned home, i was back to overwhelm, long working hours, too much computer time, and an unbalanced routine that left me feeling dull and depleted. by day 3 of this i began to panic. is this the life i've chosen? you are so blessed, why are you complaining? geez kelly, what is your problem?
And that's when i sent out an urgent email to a few dear friends asking for help. after admitting defeat and overwhelm, i asked: how do you get out of the house, tend to your creative yearnings, build a business, maintain that business, nurture your relationships, meet your deadlines, and on and on? if you have a secret, please share.
Of course it turns out that nobody had the secret. we're all just doing the best we can, sometimes juggling it all with confidence + grace, sometimes not. it also turns out that by opening up the conversation, we each had an opportunity to relate, to feel less alone, to admit defeat in other areas of our lives, and even to celebrate what was working in our lives. the simple act of reaching out, asking for help, and hearing their stories of struggle and triumphs was exactly what i needed to take few steps back and adjust.
What i'm learning this week while i navigate these waters is this: that we are 100% allowed to stop - that we won't be forgotten if we do. that our overwhelm is a whisper worth listening to. that our dreams can absolutely change shape and our everyday lives/balance/routine can change accordingly. that we must speak up about our feelings of defeat/burnout/overwhelm, because we're not alone. and most importantly, that its our vulnerabilities that connect us and that we can soar, always soar on the brightness of being alive.
Stay tuned for more adventures from the Mile High Suburbs......
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Putting a (Public) Stake in the Ground
Well loyal readers, it's time for Beth to announce her Biggest Project Yet: Operation Smaller Ass. Or perhaps it's Jiggle-B-Gone 2009? Or Campaign to Stop Dependence on Lane Bryant as My Sole Fashion Option?
You get the plus-sized picture. The fact is, I'm fat. I've been fat for a very long time....but the past few years in particular have been especially cringe-worthy on the scales. The other weekend I went out in a tank top and caught myself in a mirror and was frankly shocked and disgusted at the size of the woman looking back at me. I didn't recognize myself at all. I'm tired of the self loathing and the hiding from the world and the putting my life on hold until I get thin and the eating a pound of pasta at a time because I'm bored and lonely and the feeling like I'm 50 years old because my joints hurt from being so damned fat. I hate all of it.
My feeling is that by blogging about this topic more and being a little more public about my weight loss efforts, it makes it real for me. It makes me accountable. It takes it out of the realm of me just being frustrated and saying and I'm going to do something and makes me actually do it. Plus it encourages the World of Beth to cheer me on and kick my flabby ass when I need it.
Now this isn't to say that this will become a diet blog where I talk about recipes and workout tips and my measurements (unless I start acheiving major results, in which case all bets are off). But I need a stake in the ground - a beginning point to measure from, where I say that things have changed and will be different and that progress moves forward from this day. Stay tuned for more on this topic...my elastic waist pants need to come out of the dryer for now.
You get the plus-sized picture. The fact is, I'm fat. I've been fat for a very long time....but the past few years in particular have been especially cringe-worthy on the scales. The other weekend I went out in a tank top and caught myself in a mirror and was frankly shocked and disgusted at the size of the woman looking back at me. I didn't recognize myself at all. I'm tired of the self loathing and the hiding from the world and the putting my life on hold until I get thin and the eating a pound of pasta at a time because I'm bored and lonely and the feeling like I'm 50 years old because my joints hurt from being so damned fat. I hate all of it.
My feeling is that by blogging about this topic more and being a little more public about my weight loss efforts, it makes it real for me. It makes me accountable. It takes it out of the realm of me just being frustrated and saying and I'm going to do something and makes me actually do it. Plus it encourages the World of Beth to cheer me on and kick my flabby ass when I need it.
Now this isn't to say that this will become a diet blog where I talk about recipes and workout tips and my measurements (unless I start acheiving major results, in which case all bets are off). But I need a stake in the ground - a beginning point to measure from, where I say that things have changed and will be different and that progress moves forward from this day. Stay tuned for more on this topic...my elastic waist pants need to come out of the dryer for now.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sacramento - Beth's Shrug-Worthy Day Trip
One of my favorite activities that I don't do too often is just to get in the car and drive aimlessly for a few hours and see where I end up. Some of my most memorable trips have come that way - the first time I saw Portland, for example, or the time I randomly drove to Vancouver after a particularly traumatizing job interview experience.
So last weekend I got the bee in my bonnet to see Sacramento. I had never been there. Didn't know what to expect. Unfortunately I did absolutely no research beforehand, couldn't tell you what's there (besides the Governator) or what the city is known for. I just drove there on a whim.
So. Yeah. It's actually a short drive from San Francisco - just about 80 minutes. Surprisingly it's a pretty rural drive too, with a few strip malls along the way. Shrug. I drove around for a little while once I got there, curiously avoiding the downtown area which I expect is where the capital is. I got on I-5 while I was there and felt a little closer to home knowing that Seattle was literally just up that very road several hundreds of miles. Then I headed home. I would not categorize it as a life-changing trip, but it did feel good to get out and drive for a long while and sing along to cheesy songs on the radio.
So....huh. Any guidance or advice on Sacramento? Anyone been there and fallen in love with it? Did I miss something obvious there that would have tranformed my very core? As an aside, I'm trying to focus more on weekend roadtrip adventures, so if you have recommendations, send 'em my way too.....
So last weekend I got the bee in my bonnet to see Sacramento. I had never been there. Didn't know what to expect. Unfortunately I did absolutely no research beforehand, couldn't tell you what's there (besides the Governator) or what the city is known for. I just drove there on a whim.
So. Yeah. It's actually a short drive from San Francisco - just about 80 minutes. Surprisingly it's a pretty rural drive too, with a few strip malls along the way. Shrug. I drove around for a little while once I got there, curiously avoiding the downtown area which I expect is where the capital is. I got on I-5 while I was there and felt a little closer to home knowing that Seattle was literally just up that very road several hundreds of miles. Then I headed home. I would not categorize it as a life-changing trip, but it did feel good to get out and drive for a long while and sing along to cheesy songs on the radio.
So....huh. Any guidance or advice on Sacramento? Anyone been there and fallen in love with it? Did I miss something obvious there that would have tranformed my very core? As an aside, I'm trying to focus more on weekend roadtrip adventures, so if you have recommendations, send 'em my way too.....
Sunday, October 19, 2008
All the world's a parade....but outside my front door?
Okay, so I realize this isn't exactly breaking news, but I feel compelled to share a totally ridiculous story from Beth's Insane Neighborhood.
(Quick aside to remind Loyal Readers that while I like to say I live in "North Beach" the reality is that I live just one block from San Francisco's Pier 39, which is the biggest, noisest tourist trap in the City. Tour buses, drunk vacationing frat boys, fanny packs, rental cars and lost German tourists consulting folded maps are all part of my daily life.)
So there I am, in my apartment, on a weekend. I putter away all Saturday in the house...Sunday comes along and I decide to get out of the apartment, if only to run a few errands and see the world. Plus the traffic and noise outside is incredibly loud, even more so than normal. The noise is a strange combination of motorcycles, tour buses, techno music, shouting and horses trotting by. Horses? Seriously?
I get dressed and head out my front door. And immediately find that only ten feet from my front door is Ground Zero of the North Beach Italian Heritage Parade, which consists of floats, marching bands, Italian flag-decorated fire trucks, ladies in hot pants, cars shaped like bowls of spaghetti, representatives of the Boudin bakery walking alligator-shaped loaves of bread on leashes....you name it and it was sitting right in front of my apartment building ready to head up Columbus Avenue. For those who know it, Caeser's restaurant near my place looked like a pinata had exploded on it from all of the balloons and streamers and festivities taking place on its front steps.
It's very surreal to come across a parade completely unawares, and stranger still to have one just sneak up on your neighborhood and your apartment building like that. Parades are by nature kind of ridiculous and they're downright trippy when they come out of the blue. One certainly doesn't expect the U.S. Marine Corp. marching band to be outside their front door, does one? Here I thought I could just easily sneak off to Bed Bath and Beyond on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but that quickly proved impossible when the Columbus Salami Company truck rolled by with patrons throwing hard candy at my head. Was there a memo somewhere that I missed? I feel like this happened last year too which makes me feel especially clueless.
Ultimately I ended up sticking around the neighborhood - walking around sort of aimlessly while I tried to get my head around all of the stimuli around me. Costumed versions of Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella...local government representatives waving at crowds...baton-throwing junior high girls....all right there in one giant Columbus Day celebratory par-tay. Who knew?
At home, I have a framed postcard right near my front door that reminds me that "76.2% percent of people leave their house every day." Frankly after my parade trauma, I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
(Quick aside to remind Loyal Readers that while I like to say I live in "North Beach" the reality is that I live just one block from San Francisco's Pier 39, which is the biggest, noisest tourist trap in the City. Tour buses, drunk vacationing frat boys, fanny packs, rental cars and lost German tourists consulting folded maps are all part of my daily life.)
So there I am, in my apartment, on a weekend. I putter away all Saturday in the house...Sunday comes along and I decide to get out of the apartment, if only to run a few errands and see the world. Plus the traffic and noise outside is incredibly loud, even more so than normal. The noise is a strange combination of motorcycles, tour buses, techno music, shouting and horses trotting by. Horses? Seriously?
I get dressed and head out my front door. And immediately find that only ten feet from my front door is Ground Zero of the North Beach Italian Heritage Parade, which consists of floats, marching bands, Italian flag-decorated fire trucks, ladies in hot pants, cars shaped like bowls of spaghetti, representatives of the Boudin bakery walking alligator-shaped loaves of bread on leashes....you name it and it was sitting right in front of my apartment building ready to head up Columbus Avenue. For those who know it, Caeser's restaurant near my place looked like a pinata had exploded on it from all of the balloons and streamers and festivities taking place on its front steps.
It's very surreal to come across a parade completely unawares, and stranger still to have one just sneak up on your neighborhood and your apartment building like that. Parades are by nature kind of ridiculous and they're downright trippy when they come out of the blue. One certainly doesn't expect the U.S. Marine Corp. marching band to be outside their front door, does one? Here I thought I could just easily sneak off to Bed Bath and Beyond on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but that quickly proved impossible when the Columbus Salami Company truck rolled by with patrons throwing hard candy at my head. Was there a memo somewhere that I missed? I feel like this happened last year too which makes me feel especially clueless.
Ultimately I ended up sticking around the neighborhood - walking around sort of aimlessly while I tried to get my head around all of the stimuli around me. Costumed versions of Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella...local government representatives waving at crowds...baton-throwing junior high girls....all right there in one giant Columbus Day celebratory par-tay. Who knew?
At home, I have a framed postcard right near my front door that reminds me that "76.2% percent of people leave their house every day." Frankly after my parade trauma, I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Beth Returns (Once Again) to the Blogosphere!
Alright kids, so it's been two months. I get it. I know I should post more often, but frankly it's been rather slow and non-post-worthy in the World of Beth, so material's been lacking. Plus frankly my non-Millenial, social media-challenged brain is struggling to keep up with the constant stream of updates needed to keep up on Facebook, Twitter, email and the blog. A girl can only update so much, you know.
Still, now that I've been away from it for a while, I'm realizing that even I have begun to miss the blog. I miss hearing from people and using this as a way to keep the world up on my lame adventures and updates. Part of the challenge living in this city is feeling so very far away from everyone I know and love, and there's a simple way to fix that - it's call reaching out. Connecting. Creating a dialogue. Mocking things in a public online forum You know, the basics.
Snaps and shouts out to those loyal readers who keep checking back in on this and encouraging me to write. Stay tuned for more adventures....
Still, now that I've been away from it for a while, I'm realizing that even I have begun to miss the blog. I miss hearing from people and using this as a way to keep the world up on my lame adventures and updates. Part of the challenge living in this city is feeling so very far away from everyone I know and love, and there's a simple way to fix that - it's call reaching out. Connecting. Creating a dialogue. Mocking things in a public online forum You know, the basics.
Snaps and shouts out to those loyal readers who keep checking back in on this and encouraging me to write. Stay tuned for more adventures....
Sunday, August 10, 2008
A few words on Dolly Parton
I ask you, World at Large, what could be better than a Dolly Parton concert? Puppies? Unicorns? Rainbows? Maybe. But Dolly's pretty close up there. Having seen her show in Seattle this weekend I can say there are few comparisons to Dolly and that's not a bad thing.For one, the woman played NINE friggin' instruments (a third of which were rhinestone encrusted), sung her own songs (which - get this - SHE WROTE HERSELF), had two costume changes and still rocked out the platinum wig and sparkly fringly cocktail dresses at age 62.
For two, when you're in a crowd of Dolly Parton fans, there's absolutely no room for cynicism or posturing. It's just not allowed. There is no "cool crowd" to mock you and make you feel bad about yourself. You have to surrender to the ridiculousness and joy of being in a stadium with drag queens and gay boys and professional-grade mullet-wearing country fans and 60-year-old librarians all of whom are dancing around to "9 to 5" and "Thank God I'm a Country Girl" and there's something, well, very weird, but also very wonderful about that.
All I needed was a (Botox free) Kenny Rogers for the Islands in the Stream portion of the show and I can say all was complete.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
A Lesson in You Tube, Where Beth Learns WAY Too Much About Vincent D'Onofrio
File this one under "Embarrassing Confessionals," kids. So I keep hearing about this new fangled thing called "YouTube" on the InterWeb that the young kids keep paying so much attention to, and sure enough I spent most of last weekend seriously obsessed with it. Seriously It started off innocently enough where I was trying to find this clip from "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" for someone involving Vincent D'Onofrio.(Side Note: I heart Vincent D'Onofrio. I mean, I HEART HIM. He meets all of my Soul Mate Requirements of being ridiculous tall and slightly wounded and very likely depressed and he gets me all melty. But I digress.)
So there I am, on YouTube, trolling for clips of Law and Order: Criminal Intent and then I get distracted by all of the videos of Vincent that are available and I can't very well not check them out, right? Except, well clearly I've been living in a cave since the mid 90's, because I'm amazed at the sheer number of fan sites/music video montages that are both really really creepy/stalkerish and totally, completely hypnotic/mesmerizing. I mean, have you seen these, people? And of course I can't turn away. Hours pass. Contacts dry out. I find myself unable to stop watching the 540 Vincent D'Onofrio-related clips from movies and TV and interviews and photo shoots because the Internet is a harsh mistress and she demands your attention, dammit.
Is is possible to spent an entire Saturday night watching some stranger's homemade videos set to ridiculously cheesy romantic music just to watch Vincent D'Onofrio have a rough sex scene with a C-grade actress in a movie from 1994? Um, yeah. Just like it's possible to watch about a zillion photo slide shows of him set to syrupy Sarah McLachlan music while his sad dopey Bobby Goren mug glows on my laptop.
This is officially time for Beth to Get A Life. Either that or to figure out how to make a slideshow of her own so I can stop feeling dirty and just sign on to the dark side of Internet video fan sites. In the meantime, I'm just sayin' if you happen across a Vincent D'Onofrio 2009 wall calendar I won't be sad if it shows up in my stocking.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Chi Re-alignment, Day 1
While on vacation, I picked up a book on how to have more energy and stop feeling so exhausted all the time. It seemed like a good purchase since most nights when I come home from work it's all I can do to microwave some food and avoid falling asleep on the couch at 9 o'clock. Not so cool.
I like that all of the recommendations in the book are logical (eat better food, get some sunshine and physical activity each day, etc.) and easy - given that the target audience is exhausted people, I figure you've got to start small. So today I took the action item of "eliminating clutter" in my home, which consisted of rearranging my furniture, cleaning out my closets and trying to create more energy in my surroundings.
I used to have a few grocery bags of old mail and bills stuffed under my bed and finally got around to shredding them. It sounds new agey, but getting rid of the paperwork under my bed really did make a difference in how I felt. It's like, the energy started to flow, man. Going through these old bank statements and credit card offers and water bills and employment contracts from long-ago jobs seemed very liberating and the idea that all of these things were under my bed made it seem very obvious as to why I wasn't sleeping better. Bad energy, man. No one can sleep when Bank of America is hiding out under them all night, right?
What a feeling! It's still like living in a cramped, noisy shoebox, but it somehow feels like a slightly roomier and more nurturing shoebox.
I like that all of the recommendations in the book are logical (eat better food, get some sunshine and physical activity each day, etc.) and easy - given that the target audience is exhausted people, I figure you've got to start small. So today I took the action item of "eliminating clutter" in my home, which consisted of rearranging my furniture, cleaning out my closets and trying to create more energy in my surroundings.
I used to have a few grocery bags of old mail and bills stuffed under my bed and finally got around to shredding them. It sounds new agey, but getting rid of the paperwork under my bed really did make a difference in how I felt. It's like, the energy started to flow, man. Going through these old bank statements and credit card offers and water bills and employment contracts from long-ago jobs seemed very liberating and the idea that all of these things were under my bed made it seem very obvious as to why I wasn't sleeping better. Bad energy, man. No one can sleep when Bank of America is hiding out under them all night, right?
What a feeling! It's still like living in a cramped, noisy shoebox, but it somehow feels like a slightly roomier and more nurturing shoebox.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Pop Quiz: Denver Edition, V. 2
Pop Quiz, Hot Shots! (Yes, again.)Question: During a recent trip to Denver, which of the following activities did Beth NOT do?
A.) Had a hot guy that looked an awful lot like Ryan Reynolds sit next to her in a SmartCar while being given a demo of the car's features?
B.) Finally watched "Flight of the Concords" and started to understand what all the fuss is about?
C.) Drove to the Tattered Cover and bored her mom senseless while surveying the bargain books section for almost an hour?
D.) Learned about glitter tattoos and substituted merlot for the more popular grape Kool-Aid at a barbeque for her dad's birthday?
ANSWER: Well it's ANOTHER trick question, naturally! I did all of those things during my visit. And I'm seriously not lying about the guy that looked like Ryan Reynolds. That SmartCar is a Guy Magnet, I have got to pick one up. I'm also not lying about the glitter tattoos, though I'm not so sure I need to pick one of those up anytime soon.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Pop Quiz: Denver Edition, V.1
Pop Quiz Hot Shots!
QUESTION: During a recent trip to Denver, how did Beth and her mom spend their first day together?
a.) Eating "Chinese" food at a Chinese buffet that used to be Furr's Cafeteria, followed up by a trip to a new 85,000-square foot liquor store named Tipsy's;
b.) Eating "Italian" food at The Olive Garden, followed up by a trip to Target;
c.) Eating "seafood" at Red Lobster, followed up by a trip to Kohl's;
d.) Eating "food" at Appleby's, followed up by a viewing of Mamma Mia at the local movieplex
ANSWER: Well it's a trick question, naturally. The answer is A since the question was about the first day spent in Denver, but truth be told, we did every single one of these activities during my visit. And Tipsy's really is an amazing sight to behold, complete with weird manniquins located throughout its aisles and a fireplace big enough to keep all of Southwest Denver toasty. Mamma Mia was overwhelming and hilarious and silly and really quite embarrassing to see Meryl Streep wearing denim overalls, but to look over and see my mom actually lip synching and tapping her feet to "Take a Chance on Me" made it all worth it.
Ah, the homestead.
QUESTION: During a recent trip to Denver, how did Beth and her mom spend their first day together?
a.) Eating "Chinese" food at a Chinese buffet that used to be Furr's Cafeteria, followed up by a trip to a new 85,000-square foot liquor store named Tipsy's;
b.) Eating "Italian" food at The Olive Garden, followed up by a trip to Target;
c.) Eating "seafood" at Red Lobster, followed up by a trip to Kohl's;
d.) Eating "food" at Appleby's, followed up by a viewing of Mamma Mia at the local movieplex
ANSWER: Well it's a trick question, naturally. The answer is A since the question was about the first day spent in Denver, but truth be told, we did every single one of these activities during my visit. And Tipsy's really is an amazing sight to behold, complete with weird manniquins located throughout its aisles and a fireplace big enough to keep all of Southwest Denver toasty. Mamma Mia was overwhelming and hilarious and silly and really quite embarrassing to see Meryl Streep wearing denim overalls, but to look over and see my mom actually lip synching and tapping her feet to "Take a Chance on Me" made it all worth it.
Ah, the homestead.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Let's all take a lesson from Olive, shall we?
Having recently found my way back to the blogosphere, I was saddened to read about the passing of Olive Riley, the world's oldest blogger, who died this week at the age of 108. 108, people. Truly, if this woman can post from her nursing home in (no joke) Woy Woy, Australia, than surely I can do a better job at updating the World of Beth on my lame cat lady adventures.
For a nice mental health break, check out her blog, which features some terrific pictures of Olive as well as some very grandmotherly floral design action. There's even pics of her doing the Can Can on her 108th's birthday next to some showgirls. I love this woman!
For a nice mental health break, check out her blog, which features some terrific pictures of Olive as well as some very grandmotherly floral design action. There's even pics of her doing the Can Can on her 108th's birthday next to some showgirls. I love this woman!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
More than 2 months later, Beth returns to the Blogosphere!
Well World at Large, it's been way too long. Pull up a chair and pour yourself a giant goblet of vino - we've got a lot to catch up on!
So I realize it's been a couple of months since last I've blogged and many of you have been (ahem) not-so gently following up with me to see what's been cookin'. A quick recap might be in order:
1.) Campin'. Yes. It's true. Pigs have flown. Hell has frozen over. Beth has camped! Okay, so it was for one night after a good friend's wedding and I was within 100 feet or so from plumbing and indoor shelter, but I think anytime Beth beds down in a tent with an air mattress in the out of doors it counts as camping. I found it helpful to down a few bottles of Prosecco beforehand to cushion the blow and put one's camping-phobic mind into a comfortably numb place. I have survived the wilderness!
2.) Spayin'. This one's a little more delicate. Seems that when Beth adopted her little white kitten from the SPCA and they SAID she was spayed they weren't so much telling the truth. Sigh. After taking her back in for surgery and making SURE that she was spayed, I can say I've got a whole new kitten at home. Gone are the days of screaming out the window! Gone are the nights of running restlessly through the apartment all night long! I may not have to throw her dirty little behind out the window after all.
3.) Travelin'. Okay, so not quite an international tour of the world. But I went to Seattle for a wedding and am headed to Denver next week to see the parentals and some old friends. It all counts as time off from work and a chance to get a new perspective, right?
4.) Refocusin'. July 4th marked my one year anniversary in San Francisco and with that has come a lot of thinking about priorities and lessons learned. For the past year I've been living as though this has been one seemingly endless business trip -- afraid to connect with people, afraid to let myself relax and enjoy my time here because I was so focused on "getting back home" and putting this tough year behind me. The reality is that while I might not want to live in San Francisco forever, I'm here for at least another year for now it seems, so I need to start thinking about how to enjoy and participate in life here rather than just hiding and passing the time. Still trying to figure out how that will translate into actions, but the mentality is starting to change and that feels remarkable. Stay tuned on this one.
Okay, so not quite Earth-shaking events, but that's part of the reason for not blogging more often. Keep checking back for more frequent posts, I pinkie swear.
So I realize it's been a couple of months since last I've blogged and many of you have been (ahem) not-so gently following up with me to see what's been cookin'. A quick recap might be in order:
1.) Campin'. Yes. It's true. Pigs have flown. Hell has frozen over. Beth has camped! Okay, so it was for one night after a good friend's wedding and I was within 100 feet or so from plumbing and indoor shelter, but I think anytime Beth beds down in a tent with an air mattress in the out of doors it counts as camping. I found it helpful to down a few bottles of Prosecco beforehand to cushion the blow and put one's camping-phobic mind into a comfortably numb place. I have survived the wilderness!
2.) Spayin'. This one's a little more delicate. Seems that when Beth adopted her little white kitten from the SPCA and they SAID she was spayed they weren't so much telling the truth. Sigh. After taking her back in for surgery and making SURE that she was spayed, I can say I've got a whole new kitten at home. Gone are the days of screaming out the window! Gone are the nights of running restlessly through the apartment all night long! I may not have to throw her dirty little behind out the window after all.
3.) Travelin'. Okay, so not quite an international tour of the world. But I went to Seattle for a wedding and am headed to Denver next week to see the parentals and some old friends. It all counts as time off from work and a chance to get a new perspective, right?
4.) Refocusin'. July 4th marked my one year anniversary in San Francisco and with that has come a lot of thinking about priorities and lessons learned. For the past year I've been living as though this has been one seemingly endless business trip -- afraid to connect with people, afraid to let myself relax and enjoy my time here because I was so focused on "getting back home" and putting this tough year behind me. The reality is that while I might not want to live in San Francisco forever, I'm here for at least another year for now it seems, so I need to start thinking about how to enjoy and participate in life here rather than just hiding and passing the time. Still trying to figure out how that will translate into actions, but the mentality is starting to change and that feels remarkable. Stay tuned on this one.
Okay, so not quite Earth-shaking events, but that's part of the reason for not blogging more often. Keep checking back for more frequent posts, I pinkie swear.
Friday, May 02, 2008
An Open Letter to Netflix
Dear Netflix,Jesus, are you trying to kill me here? Seriously, guys, when a person rents The Savages, Atonement, and Lars and the Real Girl all at the same time you really ought to include either a complimentary box of Kleenex or a gallon size drum of Prozac with the DVDs.
Because that person will start off with Lars and the Real Girl thinking "Boy, this looks like one really quirky indie comedy right here!", only she will end up being depressed after only a few minutes of watching it. She will once again realize how insanely talented Ryan Gosling is but feel frustrated because she never ends up actually connecting with the character of Lars and instead just thinks that it's sad enough that this guy is so withdrawn and isolated to come up with the concept of Bianca, but even sadder that we're supposed to expect the whole town to go along with the idea for 90 consecutive minutes. Sigh.
Then that person will pop in "The Notebook" and hope to be cheered up by a hunkier, less crazy version of Ryan Gosling and she'll remember what a piece of crap Hallmark/Lifetime pablum-fest that movie is (even WITH the kiss in the rain) and end up throwing the DVD across the room.
Then, later on, she'll try and watch The Savages because if there's one thing that never fails this person it's Philip Seymour Hoffman. Plus, with Laura Linney to boot, how can this movie be a bad thing? I'll tell you how, Netflix. It's about a brother and sister who have to put their dementia-ridden father into a nursing home. Um, nothing funny or quirky about that, not even in a dark-comedy sort of way, is there, Netflix? It's just dark. And more depressing. And very tiring.
So finally, this person will watch Atonement. Because surely a beautiful period film with James McAvoy (who, if you'll recall, Netflix, this person once referred to as "Mr. Yum-nus" from The Chronicles of Narnia) can't be all bad, right? So this person will watch the film and start to feel better because even after a horrible lie made in childhood, things ultimately end up alright and our two lovers are brought together again - OH WAIT THEY NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY BOTH DIE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATHS AND NOTHING CAN EVER BE PUT RIGHT AGAIN....ahem. Sorry, Netflix.
You see where I'm going with this, Netflix? Be careful what you mail to people in those little red envelopes. Just sayin'.
Your movie fan,
Beth
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