Last Sunday's "This American Life" featured an installment called "Mortified," a sort-of literary event where people get on stage and read from their high-school era journals. This has the potential for hilarity, right? I mean, like, she's all, you know, yeah, and I'm all, like, wow, and she's all....
As you can probably guess, this prompted me to dig up my journal from high school, mostly from my senior year, and see what embarrassing entries might be hiding in there. IMPORTANT ALL-CAP NOTE to others considering doing this activity: IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE IN A GOOD MOOD TO BEGIN WITH WHEN YOU DO THIS ACTIVITY.
Otherwise, as was the case for me, this activity will just bum you out and make you wonder what the hell was WRONG with you all through high school. Was it really all this bad? Surely we had good times, guys, didn't we? A few? One? At least?
On young love: "And, if I wasn't before, I am now definintely, officially, head-over-heels in love with David. There's just something about him! Sometimes our eyes meet, and I just turn to Jell-O....In all reality he probably thinks I'm a really good friend who he can talk to...I don't know why I'm staying up so late. He won't call. Why do I put myself through this??"
On angst: "Everything is so fucked up in my life and I hate it. I want everything to go back to normal, where I was at least half-way stable and able to go for at least a week without changing my damned emotions."
On "family": " I miss the security of high school already -- the no-responsibility attitude that someone will always be there to fix your mistakes-type of feeling. I'll miss the newspaper room, the late nights bonding with Joey and Hoolie. Even through the hellish times we had, I've come to see newspaper as this second family of mine. We all loved each other even though we sometimes hated each other, and I truely (sic) don't think I'll ever forget it or the people I met there."
On changes ahead: "Everything is changing now with school and my friends and my family. My once inseperable clique of friends now can't stand being in the same room together. People are going their seperate ways, I suppose. School is slowly winding down. It's scary that next year I will be in a totally different place with complete strangers in a new environment. My so-thought secure world will be over."
On graduation: "'It's over,' as Morrissey says, 'but it never really began.' Up until about a half hour ago, I didn't get teary eyed. Then R left and I felt all empty inside. My mom said she told her parents that I was more like a sister she never had and that only made me cry more. I feel like I should say something, like, write down some deep, insightful thought on this important day, and all I can think about is how R's gone."